My 2014 Focus Word!

Last year I opted to pick a "focus word" instead of a New Years resolution.  I chose the word Build and boy did we really build in 2013!  You can read more specifically here my post from this time last year and in what ways I wanted to build (http://rebeccajeanneroutine.blogspot.com/2013/01/my-2013-focus-word.html).  To do a general recap and see how I did before introducing my 2014 word here were my key area's I wanted to "build" upon in 2013 and how I did:

Build up our home - We completed a lot of home renovation projects in 2013.  We added a shed, fence, straw bale garden, and large playground to our backyard.  We also overhauled our old office into a nursery and redid our first bedroom which we use for guests currently.  Our basement has been a very slow process and we were able to frame, ran electrical sockets and recessed lighting, insulated, drywalled, and hung the doors in the room we built which will be our office/craft/guest room when completed.  All that is left in there to be done is to tape, mud, and sand.  Once that is done it is an easy prime and paint, put down baseboards, and have carpeting installed for it to be done. We also bought shelves and organized the laundry area on the other side to be conducive to us.  As for the main basement area that is already "finished" but in 70's style it is currently a giant junk holder of all things that will one day be in in the office/craft/guest room and then other stuff from our college days that will find their way to the curb once we start adventuring through it all.  So all in all we had a lot of home progress!

Build up my heavenly home not just earthly home - I did well this year reading excerpts of the bible and trying to live it out in my daily life.  There is always room for improvement but I feel that I accomplished what I set out to do and I intend to continue build on my faith.

Build upon and strengthen relationships - Again another thing I feel that I really accomplished.  We not only strengthened our friendships with others we also made new friends this year.  We made a lot of memories with those that mean the most to us.  I also was able to build upon my marriage and relationship with Brian in a positive way.  We focused a lot on going on dates and enjoying each others company even in the simple things. 

Build our family - Well if there was something we accomplished this year this would be it!  We started this year off by welcoming Tucker another whippet pup into our family.  We also added to our family two foster children baby E and then her biological brother N.  We also are 30 weeks pregnant (yes only 10 weeks left until our due date!) with our little guy William who is due April 9th!  We find ourselves happily (and exhaustively) in a new season in our lives and soon will have 3 little ones all under 20 months old....life is going to get even more exciting shortly :) 

Build savings - I highlighted how we intended on buying a minivan by the end of the year and we accomplished that one!  We also were able to fund out of only savings continuing our remodels with our backyard project as well as our nursery and front bedroom and the basement.  We had a specific goal in mind of how much we wanted to save by the end of the year and we did fall short there however financially beyond our mortgage, car loan, and Brian's student loans we are debt free and intending on keeping it that way.  No need for credit card debt or other frivolous debts owed to anyone.  I feel very accomplished in the fact that we have been able to do it all on one income successfully as well as still have the finances to partake in extra activities, camping trips, etc.  We also spent some pretty pennies on infertility treatments this year but all that money will pay off come April with Wills coming :)  There is always room for improvement and there were several avenues and ways we could have skimped and saved more but I hope we continue to remain out of debt, pay off the house/car/student loans debts, and continue to bank a savings reserve. 

Building health - Again there is always room for improvement but we did well maintaining and improving our health.  Lately I have been slacking a bit with being exhausted and cutting corners with meals but we remain active and generally eat healthy.  With winter and two small little ones I try to get out a lot but earlier in the year we were very active with just us.  I know come the spring we will be able to get out more with the littles.  We also joined a local rec center and have enjoyed being able to get out and swim even in the cold weather.  We are hoping to continue to utilize our membership into the new year and continue to maintain and improve our health.

So as I look forward to 2014 my focus word I picked out is............Contentment!



I believe contentment begins when what you desire is equal to (or even less than) what you already have.  We live in a very craving world were we are always looking for more.  It is easy to get wrapped up in the materialistic world man has created but I want to remove myself from that and simply learn to be content.  I truly believe contentment is a choice we can willingly make it is not just something we can expect to overcome us and fill us, we have to seek it and choose it.  We have to make it become a learned behavior and we can only do that by purposely putting in the effort to allow ourselves to become content even in difficult circumstances.

• Content with me - It is normal to feel inadequate and always wishing we were something different.  I want to work on being content with who I am, not wishing I was something else.  I may not have the body of a super model and I can be content in that.  I may not have perfect mannerisms or approach every situation perfectly but I can be content just being me and embrace my personal downfalls.  I want to work on and truly believe I am enough, worthy, and have importance.

• Content with my marriage - Not only do I want to be content with myself, I want to be content with my husband.  Being accepting of the person he is and not wishing or having unrealistic expectations about him.  It is easy to see other couples and wish we could be more like them but I want to rejoice for what I do have and I have reason too as I'm married to an amazing husband!  Speaking for myself I am very happy in my marriage with my husband however there are times I envy other couples who seem to have it all together and jealousy can quickly creep in.  I know it is only an illusion as no marriage is perfect but I specifically want to work on being content with my marriage and my husband and not covet for what others appear to have and get stuck in that vicious circle of yearning for something unattainable and unrealistic.

• Content in His plan for us - There are so many things I wish I had control of but I know I don't.  This year I want to work on being content in God's plan for me.  I want to give it over to Him to control the things I know I cannot.  By the end of this year with our foster children they will either be reunified with their birthmother or become adoptable.  We are painfully aware we have absolutely no control over the outcome and decision therefore we can only trust that He has a plan for their lives and for ours as we see them unveil.  Learning to be content and trust fully in Him can be hard but is something I am hoping to work towards.  Giving up the burdens we cannot control to Him and letting things work out may be the hardest thing.  Also other life decisions we may encounter may we be content in Him to guide us through them and be content with the outcome as we know it is what He intends for us.

 

• Content Materialistically - We have an overwhelming amount of things that collect dust and just take up space.  While we have drastically cut down on the amount of extra "stuff" we buy and allow into our home, I want to continue to not try to keep up with the Jones' and instead invest in activities, adventures, and memories instead of material things.  This year I want to continue to simplify what we do already have so we are not so burdened by the clutter.  Of course this has become harder to do as we have little ones now that are notorious for coming along and producing "stuff" but I want to make a conscious effort to prioritize and simplify what we do have.  I do not want to be overtaken by things but rather focus on our relationships with each other which holds the real value.  We could lose money to an endless pit of material things that only bring empty promises of happiness but I would rather save the money and be content with what we do have.  I also have no problem thrifting and garage sale picking and I want to continue this year saving on clothes and the things we do need by second hand finding them.  

The Power of a Single Picture

One picture.  So simple.  Not glamorous by the least bit.  Nothing flashy.  Not really captivating.  Not the best angle.  Completely oblivious to it being taken.  So boring.  Yet so powerful.

So why is this photo so powerful to me?  What makes it so special?  Why am I reposting it?  We all have pictures that were taken at some point of us in front of our birthday cakes, so why is this one so important?  To me this is the reality of how each year can make a total difference.  It reminds me of the power of prayer and tenacity.  The power of hoping and pushing forward to overcome obstacles.

Two years ago I stood before my Christmas birthday cake.  At the time we had just found out I was diagnosed with PCOS after a battery of tests and several months of trying to start our family to no avail.  We knew right before Christmas that we would need assistance to get pregnant and we were sure it was a simple fix.  I stood before that birthday cake with its candles glowing and in my heart made my secret wish that by next year when I stand before that cake that I would be holding a little one in my arms.  Little did we know what the next year ahead of us would entail. 

One year ago I once again stood before that birthday cake Christmas evening.  One extra candle was added and glowed brightly as I stood there with empty arms and a just as empty heart.  April 24th of that year brought excitement as we got two pink lines for the first time.  We were naive and jumping for joy thinking we beat this beast of infertility.  Excitement was high as our little one would be due around Christmas.  This was the miracle I had wished for before I blew out those candles the year prior.  If I wasn't holding our little one in my arms by this Christmas, I would surely be carrying them nearing the end of pregnancy but the beginning of a family.  After weeks of ups and downs, at the end of May, we found out our joy had been extinguished in a matter of a moment at an ultrasound that lacked a heartbeat.  Surgery was necessary right after, recovery happened, bitter tears fell, anger seeped in, my world felt like it was caving in, just like that hope began to be renewed, ultrasounds followed to start up fertility treatments again, then in September back to a dark place I went as I found out I needed yet another surgery and couldn't proceed with another cycle round.  Recovery was tough, the emotional part was just as hard as the physical part the second time around.  I felt so hopeless as if it was yet another miscarriage all over again.  I found myself back in that dark place, a place I never thought I would be able to crawl out of.  We were able to start a fertility cycle the end of November that ran into December and with it brought some relief and determination.  There was a teeny bit of hope that before Christmas we would get those two pink lines.  Those lines never came.  My heart was battered and torn but I stood before those candles again and secretly wished with all of my being that next year I would fill these empty arms or at least be able to wrap these arms around a growing baby belly.

This year I stood before that birthday cake with more than I ever could imagine.  Instead of an added candle there was just one candle that stood tall and flickered brightly.  I stood there with my arms wrapped around a baby girl who I may not have carried within me, but I had carried for so long in my heart and love her all the same.  I stood there as a little guy laid passed out on the couch exhausted from the days holiday thrills spent with us for the first time.  I stood there triumphantly with a little boy growing inside of me just as the excitement for his arrival in the coming months is growing.  When I stood before that birthday cake and those twinkling candles a year and two years ago, little did I know that this third year I would have a triple answer to my secret wishes and prayers. 

This unattractive, boring, unpretentious photo represents so much more to me.  I was oblivious to it being taken, but it captures naturally so much.  As I went through my pictures from Christmas day, I was pleasantly surprised to come across this one and immediately reflected on how powerful and what it represents to me.  I can honestly say, in that moment, I smiled back the happy tears that were forming in my eyes.  I was completely aware of how blessed I am in that very moment and how wishes and prayers do come true.  It is amazing the difference a year and two years can make.  I stood there before that candle and for the first time in two years, secretly had to wish for something different, something new, and that folks is powerful!

In Other News

Where has December gone?  We are almost half way through January and I'm still trying to figure out where the time has gone!  Things in our house have been pretty low key as we used this time to recover from the holidays.  Trying to all get back on routine has been so important.  While I love the holidays, traveling to see family, and the excitement of it all it sure does throw a wrench into our daily routine and nothing is worse than a child off schedule.....X2!

In other news, I hit the third trimester officially so it's only downhill from here people!  Seriously, the fatigue from first trimester has come back and is now accompanied by a sore back.  I have just come to realize that I need to move a bit slower and can't do everything I used to be able to do at full tilt.  With 12 weeks to go we are nearing the finish line of this pregnancy but also the start of adding to our family.  With my baby shower right around the corner it is becoming more real and undeniable that our little guy will be here soon.  We have decided on a name and though we are sharing the first name (not ready to share here on my blog yet though!), we had already discussed and intend on keeping all of our kids middle names a secret until birth (or adoption) to reveal to friends and family.  Why?  Well we think it's fun to add a little mystery and surprise to the mix because we are fun people like that!

Also in other news, I've also been asked about baby E and N's current custody situation often.....likely just as routinely as I'm asked in public constantly how I possibly could have two young kids, one being only a few months old, and be this far along in another pregnancy....  Let me firstly tell you we have seen firsthand in this case alone how foster parenting is not for the faint at heart.  Due to this being a public location and not wanting to divulge too much information all we can say is that there is a court hearing planned for the end of January to our knowledge.  While the original intent and the current filing is for permanent custody of both children, before Christmas it was mentioned that a plea for permanent custody may be retracted due to numerous reasons and that they would use that court date to extend temporary custody of the children in foster care.  By doing this it would give their birthmother more time to complete her plan and to see if she can show continual stability.  The tables turned once again right before Christmas, specifically in the past two weeks, that have proven that perhaps the original filing of permanent custody will be followed through with.  In the end it is the judge who holds all the power in making the decision whether to terminate parental rights or not, however the county has to make a decision on what direction and what specifically they wish to approach the judge with and file.  We continue to ask for ongoing prayers that the children's best interest be upheld which has always been our prayer from the start.  It seems that all involved in the case know what the children's best interest is however we have to pray that the key individuals involved with the case will make the proper decisions and stop letting it all drag out. 

In yet more news, we have scheduled our first family vacation!  We are going for just a night to an indoor water resort not too far away.  We have officially reserved our room so we are all in!  I'm looking forward to getting away for even just the night.  N is a fish when he's in water so I have no doubt he will be in heaven.  There is not a bath tub full of water, a shower, or puddle that he has not liked!  We also are registering at a local rec center shortly.  We decided to join the city rec Brian's work is located in using his corporate registration abilities as their rec has way more to offer than our local city one.  They have an awesome children's pool and sprinkler play area that N will just adore and it is only minutes away.   Other than that we continue to chug along at daily life! 











Almost turning over!








A spaghetti monster!






Giving loving hugs to sissy <3

'Twas 8 Days Past Christmas....

(Brian's family Christmas work party)

Oh yes I am finally getting an opportunity to blog about Christmas!  Unfortunately technology hates me and I lost half of our Christmas pictures due to a memory card deciding to sync itself against my wishes.  We lost all of our pictures of Christmas with Brian's family, some Christmas Eve, and some from Christmas morning.  The lucky news is that we ran out of space on one card so Christmas morning we then switched over to another memory card which decided to not erase itself like the other which has been my only saving grace from not completely losing it!  Alright I'll admit it, I cried for an hour straight at the lost photo memories.  Alright I'll admit more, it became one of those terrible I hate my life ugly cries within minutes where you can't even catch your breath because you're so upset.  Even my poor husband who was working when I texted him my first world problems couldn't settle my woes, pretty certain he thought I was possessed by demons.  Let's all just blame it on being 26 weeks and 1 day pregnant ok?!?!  Again saving grace was this was all during the kids nap time so I spared them my over dramatic reaction and I think it'll spare them one less memory of me being a crazy woman.  Go ahead, remind me memories are in our minds and hearts forever and that's what matters but it's not going to cut it.  Moving on.


I'll give the visual and you insert with your own imagination awesome pictures.  We spent time visiting Brian's mom and brother as well as extended family and friends for several days.  The 3 hour ride down and back went without a hitch with baby E and N as we planned both trips around their nap times.  I do feel like superwoman at times that we have found nap time driving to be the best kept secret of traveling with young kids.  This time before heading out we went to the local foster care party for the kids in the morning which tired them both out before we headed on South.  Yes I have photographic evidence of such party happening as I have scanned in the picture we were given at the party (Just as I scanned in the picture at the top we were given from Brian's work family party). 


Christmas Eve we traveled back home and went to my parents for our traditional Christmas Eve dinner.  We also exchange gifts between my siblings (dog siblings included!) and gifts for my parents.




































Then came Christmas morning!  Having gone to midnight liturgy when neither were up by 9 a.m. and knowing we had to open gifts and get ready to head to my parents house we had to wake them up.  N did refuse to get up for the longest time but finally we coaxed him out of his crib.


Notice our Christmas tree look....only the top half of our tree adorns ornaments for obvious reasons :)


Meeko started off the gift distribution!  The two guys surprisingly somehow knew which gifts were for them.  Santa brought them Kong squeaky toys which aren't scented so again we have no idea how they knew which ones under the wrapping were theres to open.  We opted to video our Christmas morning experience so these are some not so great stills taken from the video that will just have to due!










The cousins shared a spontaneous hug before opening gifts!


GT was excited to open gifts!


Someone else was super excited for opening gifts too!

























We ended the evening with our annual small birthday celebration for me.  The perfect way to end a perfect Christmas day!