My Beliefs!

 

“Our culture has accepted two huge lies. The first is that if you disagree with someone’s lifestyle, you must fear or hate them. The second is that to love someone means you agree with everything they believe or do. Both are nonsense. You don’t have to compromise convictions to be compassionate.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

With the DOMA currently up in question with the Supreme Court we all have been bombarded with sweeping symbols taking over Facebook profile pictures.  Lines seem to have become split and I have been asked by several people which "side" I'm on.  I have never been one to jump on bandwagon's which I feel many have.  It has become a status symbol of profile pictures lately.  So where do I stand on the subject?  I believe in the sanctity of marriage between and a man and a woman.  There I said it!  This is what I believe!  Now before people jump down my throat I find it most important to say I believe this however it does not mean I hate or fear.   People jump quickly to conclusions that if you're not with them you're against them which is far from the truth. I have many friends who consider themselves gay and it doesn't mean I don't love them or care about them.  I do not have to agree with them in order to love them and vice versa.  There are a million other topics in which I don't agree with however disagreement does not mean hate and certainly not any fear.   I don't hate or fear, I just choose to kindly disagree with. 

 

So what other things do I not agree with?  Well since we are on that topic I feel strongly that children need two parents homes, a mother and a father.  Not grandparents raising them, not day cares or schools raising them, and definitely not the state care system raising them.  While I know for many this may not be a possibility because a partner has decided to leave or another reason, it doesn't mean I can't believe that two parents aren't the best for children and many studies would back me on that.  I also feel children need one parent at home with them.  Again I know with single parents this may not be a possibility however it does not mean I can't believe and know children need a parent at home with them during their first most formative years.  I don't agree with parents who prefer two salaries to go on extravagant trips or live in large empty houses while they push their children off on others to raise.  Again if that option in no way could be possible with two parents and both need to work to put food on the table then they have to do what they have to do to survive, yet I still know their children would benefit more from having one of them home to raise them.  Also going off a similar context I don't think people should knowingly bring children into this world when they can't provide for even themselves.  They are doing a major disservice to their children by breeding them when they are unable to feed them.  Expecting the government services to be their child's baby daddy I just do not agree with.  If you know you are a in a tight place then don't bring a child into that hard place as they and you will suffer from it as it only puts you in an even tighter place.  Mistakes happen I know, I am saying this based on those that knowingly choose to have more children when they already have no resources to provide.  In the case of unplanned pregnancies I am not against looking into adoption if you know that you will never be able to provide and give that child opportunities to be raised in a stable home. Everything is not black and white, however even the exceptions still does not mean I have to waiver in my own knowledge of what is best.   

 

I don't agree with having children out of wedlock.  Do I have very close friends that have?  Yes I sure do!  It doesn't mean I don't love them or I choose to shun them, it just means I don't agree with it.  Many it was not by exact choice, but by a misjudgment on their parts.  I agree things happen but in today's world there are countless ways to protect ones self from an unwanted pregnancy if they practice safe sex.  Again does it mean I shake my finger at them for being irresponsible?  Nope, if anything I embrace them knowing it will likely be a hard and far from ideal path for them and try to be a supportive and loving friend even if I don't agree with their actions.  I also don't agree with those that choose to cohabitate before marriage with a boyfriend/girlfriend.  I believe living as if married yet not getting married is not right.  If you want to live as if you're married then get married.  If you don't feel you are ready to marry that person then surely you are not ready to live with that person full time.  If you can't devote yourself to that person with a marriage commitment then you are not committed enough to live with that person.  Jumping boyfriend/girlfriend to boyfriend/girlfriend and jumping from living situation to living situation is not healthy.  How about social aid such as welfare?  Well I love that we have a system set up to help those who may be in need.  I have personally been to places internationally and have seen the devastation of a place that does not have any system to help the poor.  I believe there is nothing wrong to ask for help when you desperately need it, however I do not agree with those who abuse such systems.  Those individuals who instead of the fathers who are involved paying for formula/food if the mothers can't take from the state when they do have the ability to provide.  I don't agree with those that live off the system instead of only taking when they are at rock bottom with intentions of getting out of that rock and a hard place they have fallen into. 

 

Then there is that major line drawing topic of abortion.  I myself do not agree with abortions unless there is a medical necessity however like everything else I do not hate or pass judgment on others who are faced with such a decision.  My biblical backgrounds states "It is not the will of your Father that one of these little ones should perish." (Matthew 18:14).  I know there are many other options for them and that unborn child however, like everything else, it is their decision though it would never be my own decision and I can still feel that it is wrong.  It does not mean I don't love them or don't have compassion for them or I can't consider them a close friend, however just because you are a friend does not mean I have to agree with you and vice versa. 

 

Now on the opposite of abortion I know it is our obligation to care for orphans, those whose mothers chose life yet have no homes.  Many individuals are so pro-life and will stand with signs outside of abortion clinics, however they themselves are not opening their home to a child who's mother chose life.  We are religiously commanded to care and look after the widows and orphans in distress (James 1:27), be a father to the fatherless (Psalms 68:5-6 and Psalm 10:14), and defend the cause of the orphans (Deuteronomy 10:18).  We are to be the hands of feet of the Lord who said "I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you." (John 14:18).  We are not called but commanded to "welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me." (Matthew 18:5).  We are to  "Remember those…who are mistreated as if you yourselves were suffering." (Hebrews 13:3).  We are to also "Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves…defend the rights of the needy." (Proverbs 31:8,9) and "defend the cause of the poor and needy." (Jeremiah 22:16).  This does not mean only here in the U.S. but also internationally as stated here, "Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the west. I will say to the north, "Give them up!" and to the south, "Do not hold them back." Bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the ends of the earth"  (Isaiah 43:5-6).  I could go on and on how we are not only called but each one of us who calls ourselves children of God are commanded to be His hands and feet as He put us here to do His work and care for orphans in their distress and welcome them into our homes.  Perhaps this singularly is my biggest passion as I know while not all may be able to welcome an orphan into their home or adopt, however we each can donate and/or support and pray for those who are or programs that provide care for these needy children. 

 

I am thankful I have that freedom to have my own stance on many subjects without being persecuted unlike other countries which do not experience the same freedom we take for granted. I put my trust in the Supreme court to make the best decision be it what I do or do not believe in. My hope is they vote not based on bandwagons or personal agenda's but on personal convictions. Their decision will not change what my beliefs and values are no matter what they choose.  

What your dogs don't wear ties and bow ties?!?!

Attachment Plan

"Love, and the lack of it, change the young brain forever ... A baby’s ability to keep parents beside him has evolved not to serve whim but limbic necessity.  Eons of experience direct his brain to hold open the emotional channel that stabilizes his physiology and shapes his developing mind."

~Thomas Lewis, Fari Amini & Richard Lannon, A General Theory of Love

As anything in my life, whenever I am about to embark on something, I do my studying.  Choosing a high school and college, picking a major, buying a house, planning a wedding, planning a trip, looking for ways to be more frugal, gardening, home repairs, dealing with infertility and the different courses of action, buying an object, etc. I have always been one to study up before making an informed decision  I read books, look up studies, read articles, navigate pinterest and google searches, find and listen to professionals, and look for people with personal experience generally via blogs.  So as we intend on embarking on this foster care journey I have been diving into learning as much as I can so we can be as prepared as possible for the children that walk or are carried through our door.  While much of what we will learn will come from us looking like deer in headlights experiences, there seems to be many common links with the need for these at-risk children to form healthy attachments.

Building trust and in turn attachment is our number one priority.  A mother who carries her child for 9 months has had those months to prepare and attach to their baby inside them.  A baby is born knowing their mother and in most cases a strong instant bond is formed between mother and child not at the moment of birth, but before.  A child hears their mothers muffled voice while a mother feels the kicks of her baby and "see's" them via ultrasound.  A typical child who has been raised by their birth mother generally have strong attachments formed.  That child's ability to trust and attach has never been threatened or severed.  In the case of the children through the foster care system that will be walking or being carried through our front door unfortunately do not have that same experience.  Yes we know they will be attached to their birth family, but they will not be attached to us.  We start from the ground and have to build up the framework.  We have to carefully and intentionally build their trust in us which will we hope eventually turn into authentic attachment.  Obviously the more time we have with the child, the more time we have to build their trust and bond with them. 

When we get our first placement, be it one or two children, it is important that everyone know that it is vitally important that Brian and I be the only ones to hold and meet their needs.  We know everyone is going to be well meaning and especially if we have a teeny tiny one will want to grab them up and smother them with kisses however that time will come but not right away.  This child(ren) is being ripped from their environment (womb or home) and placed in a brand new foreign environment.  We have different smells, different faces, different voices, and do things much differently than they will be use to.  Likely the very person every child should be able to trust, their birth parent(s) were deemed not trustworthy hence why they are coming into care.  This child(ren) will be grieving (even newborns straight from the hospital but not to the same extent) and it is important for their health and a strong family attachment that Brian and I be the ones to comfort and care for them.  Do not be surprised if the first couple of days or weeks we may need to buckle down and stay home to start off the bonding process without any outside influences and have them use to their new routine.  We will be doing this nurturing through many ways such as by babywearing, emphasizing eye contact and physical touch, rocking in our rocking chair, kisses, fussing over them, and consistently meeting all their needs and most wants.  We want them to become comfortable enough to come to us for touch, comfort, and food as well as have healthy age appropriate stranger danger which are the best signs!

I'll be totally honest and upfront and say we know this sucks!  We will want nothing more than to "show off" our newest addition(s) however we know this child needs us to build the framework from day one with them.  They will need to learn that we are substitute (or permanent) mom and dad and to form possibly the first healthy bond they ever have had in their short lives.  We are going to be the only ones who will hold, carry and cuddle, change diapers/take them to the potty, babywear, prepare and offer drinks and food, tuck them in at night, pick them up when they get a boo-boo, feeding not only a baby but even a toddler their bottle with up close skin-to-skin contact so they can hear and feel our heartbeat as we fully focus on them with eye contact (trying to mimic what breastfeeding allows for bonding), possibly co-sleeping depending on their age (before I get hate mail don't get your panties in a bunch, we will do so with a co-sleeping bed of their own attached to the side of ours...no we won't be putting a tiny one in our actual bed), help with homework, restricting hours away from the child(ren) so pretty much do absolutely everything.....yes we will need to be a two-person show....and even a one-woman show when Brian is at work!  This is especially important, if not more, for a child we take in that is not a brand new newborn.  This may look like we are "babying" them and we are in essence regressing them but we know the progress from doing so will be to their and our benefit once we have a secure relationship.  The great news is since the child(ren) will not be in day care as I am a homemaker, the bonding process will exponentially be faster as I will be there from the time they wake up until the time they go to bed nurturing them. Their will be little to no distractions or disruption to our bonding allowing for quicker attachment and being able to open up who they can then attach to faster.

We know it takes a village to raise a child so we ask our village to patiently wait and contain it all up because once we see the child(ren) have firmly attached, those boundaries will come down and you will be able to share all the love stored up on them!  How long will it take?  That will depend on each and every child.  Their background, personality, and many other factors will play into how quickly or slowly they will be able to trust us to care for them both emotionally and physically.  Newborns are primed to attach as though they had been born to us as we would need to care for every need of theirs and we are the only ones they will have known for an extended period of time, however we are open to children up to the age of 8 so this attachment process will look different depending on the child's age.  We will be sure to let everyone know where we are at.  We need to make sure the child(ren) are not overwhelmed and are stable with us. Yes we are aware some children will only come into our care for a few weeks or a few short months, but it is still vitally important for the child's well being that they learn to trust and the only way they will learn this is through having their needs met daily by us.  This will look very different than typical parenting and even what our parenting style will look like when we have biological children.  In this case, we will be "hovering" parents for as long as necessary.  We ask that you trust us, trust our choices and judgements, and most importantly encourage us and pray for us! Your time will come with the foster children we take in and when we go on to have biological children just know we will be ready to pass them around and around....there will be no dirty diaper change offer refused! 

Some March Madness

March has just been flying by with April right around the corner.  March surely has brought much madness beyond just basketball for us!  It is amazing to think Palm Sunday is this upcoming weekend already!  Our weekends have been spent at the land painting, tiling, and putting in hardwood floors.  Instead of lazy weekends we have been joining my family out there working our tails off.  It'll all be worth it in the end! 



Yesterday we fully completed our 36 hour pre-service foster care/adoption parent courses!  It surely was a mission completed!  12 long weeks of going every Thursday from 6pm-9pm is finally over.  Now what will we do with our open Thursdays?!?!  We officially graduated from training and now are full steam ahead to getting our home study completely finished.  We are still finishing the basement drywall and electrical wiring so we can have the fire inspection.  The fire inspection is the only thing we have to do to be finished!  Our home study social worker still has to meet with our emergency references and receive the surveys back from our lucky 5 chosen family and friends.  We are hoping to be able to have it all submitted soon so we can get state approval in time to take the upcoming Foster Paten 101 course in May which is a 6 hour Saturday class.  Once we step out of that class we will be good to go and wait on that "call" to come in.  In a way it's amazing to think we could be taking in a child(ren) in a little over a months time but then again it's crazy to think we have been taking all these classes since January so it'll be 5 months in the making!



While we have been gearing up to foster, I also have spent the past month on our first Follistim injectibles cycle.  To say it was a complete fail would be putting it nicely.  After 14 days of injections my body ended up going backwards with my numbers and not a follicle grew out of the 100 or so I have!  How does that happen?  Well even the Dr. and nurses don't know.  So again we weren't able to trigger or even try this cycle.  My doctor wants to meet with Brian and I in an office visit but we were not told what it will pertain to as the nurse really has no idea what direction our Dr. will want to go.  She stated in her 12 years of working in this field as a nurse she's never seen someone respond like this....yup leave it to me to be again out of the ordinary as if we don't have enough cards against us already!  We won't be able to get in to see her until the end of April so for a whole month we just wait and in the meantime I am to start birth control in order to try to level out some of my crazy hormones.  Who knows what route we will be on next, but even during the heartache and tears over the news it is nice to know we are getting somewhere with our fostering route, at least something seems to be moving in the right direction!  It had to be orchestrated by God that we decided to take the path into foster care while we still were going through infertility treatments.  Had I not had something going right and something we have a little bit more control of I would be a complete depressed messed.  Not that I don't have those days every so often of feeling discouraged, but we can see the silver lining for one path and hopefully soon the silver lining will show up in the other too!

In the meantime, I like to take everything in stride with good humor.  A friend of mine sent me a bunch of those conversation cards.  I combed through a few and they all put a smile on my face.  I decided to share some here as sometimes all we can do is just laugh and carry on! 

Surprise Date #2....Glass Blowing!

For the 2nd surprise date with Brian we went glass blowing!  It is always something Brian and I both have mutually wanted to do so it was perfect.  We had such a great time and I'm sure we will go again in the future.  We knew it was going to be hot but I never expected it to be scorching!  There is no way not to be completely filled with sweat within the first few seconds.  Once you get past the sweat the rest of it is incredibly enjoyable.  While others seemed weary Brian and I both were rather sure of ourselves (though having no experience beyond watching people at the Renaissance faires!) and both were very comfortable.  We decided to team up on one glass blown piece instead of each of us doing one small non-blown piece.  Our helper admitted she didn't pull enough glass so it did end up being a small vase but we loved it the same!  We even asked to use one of the molds and she said normally they don't but in the end she said why not.  It was another groupon deal and so worth it!

















Finished piece!  It's actually orange and blue but you can't really tell from this picture.  After it's done and when we pick it up on Wednesday the colors will be even more obvious!

Bullet Point Update

I loved the ease of the bullet point update awhile back so decided it was about time for another one!

• We decided this weekend to stay home and get things done.  We were to go to the land to paint, however we really needed to get things done on the home front. 
• We spent a good portion of today in the backyard making our lawn orderly.  Right before we had our fence installed and our shed dropped off we took down a few small tree's (as in the night before with only our backyard motion light for lighting...leave it to us for last minute projects!).  It then began to snow and we have just not been able to get to it due to the weather.  It finally warmed up and with the snow gone we started a fire to burn all the branches and brought out the chainsaw to chop up the bigger wood and piled it all behind our shed to use in our fire pit.  After a few hours our backyard is finally no longer looking like it was logged! 
• Meeko and Tucker loved spending those hours in the backyard with us.  The two ran around and we even found out Tucker could go underneath our shed!  We found this out when we were looking for him then suddenly his head popped out from underneath the one side that is a bit more raised and he was just laying there chewing on a stick.  Poor Meeko couldn't fit, his head barely fit under when he tried to find Tuck Tuck!  The fence has truly paid off and it was nice to have them running around (beyond stealing wood from our wood pile and leaving it throughout the yard!).  We can't wait for the weather to stay nice out so we can spend more time outside!
• We also completed the nursery today by putting up the decals.  We have to have the room ready for when our social worker comes this upcoming Wednesday for her to sign off on it hence why it needed to be done.  A few days ago we were able to get my family crib from my parents as well as the very rocker that my mom got when I was born.  With all the dings and chew marks I am in love with them!  There is just something so special about a crib that shows its history as I'm sure many of those bite marks came from my teeth!  This crib was used for all of us...except Mary...so the history holds a special place in my heart!  Just when I thought it was complete we decided today a shelf would function well for the room so now we are on the hunt for one, so perhaps these types of things are never complete!
• After being disappointed for the past week about medications for this whole baby making thing not work (after it always has!) I was pretty disheartened, but then yesterday I had an ultrasound and I got a call that afternoon to go ahead and start the Follistim injectibles.  I was completely shocked to say the least that we could move forward, but I'm not complaining!  Now after two injections that I have given myself, I can honestly say the Follistim pen is da' bomb.  I can hardly even feel the tiny needle and have only minor discomfort and bleeding at the injection site after.  To think I was a bit weary about giving myself injections, I can truly say it is nothing!
• As I stated earlier, we have our second home study visit with our social worker this upcoming Wednesday.  We are doing our individual and couple interviews with her this go around.  We are actually down to only 2 more pre-service classes!  After those classes are done we need to take a one day pretty long foster 101 class which goes over specifics we need to know as foster parents working with the system as well as we get cpr and first aid certified so it's a lengthy class.  After that class we are officially done with classes!  Except by next year we need to have 30 or 40 hours (I believe) done of additional training each year to keep certification as foster parents so perhaps we will have more in the near future.
• Tomorrow we have another surprise date night.  I think Brian will be pleasantly surprised again!  I can't say much more as I know he reads my blog so tomorrow evening or the next time I blog I will surely elaborate :)
• Just as I was about to publish this post my mom called.  Ended up she and Marie were together so they came over for some tea.  I can say I'm the first in their ongoing joke to have invited them to tea! 

"Follow Me"

I came across this little tidbit and it was a great reminder that we must always "follow" Him for He has great plans to unveil for us: 

 

 

But God...it's too darn hard.

"Follow me."  Matthew 9:9

But God...what if I fail miserably?

"Follow me."  Matthew 8:22

But God...what if what I'm feeling you call me to do is too painful--too challenging?

"Follow me."  Matthew 4:19

But God...I have everything I need right here and things are good in my life. 

"Follow me."  Matthew 10:38

But God...how can I possibly step out of my comfort zone?  What if........"

"Follow me."  Matthew 16:24

But God...it will cost money and so many sacrifices will have to be made."

"Follow me."  Matthew 19:21

But God...I am weak, tired, weary, lacking faith, and discouraged."

"Follow me."  Mark 1:17

But God...There is so much at risk.  What if my friends and family don't support me?  Goodness, what it they disown me?

"Follow me."  Mark 2:14

But God...what about my own family and their comforts?

"Follow me."  Mark 8:34

But God...my faith is smaller than a mustard seed.

"Follow me."  Mark 10:21

But God...I just don't know if I can do this.  I don't have what it takes.

"Follow me."  Luke 5:27

But God...can I trust you in this?  Really?  Can I?

"Follow me."  Luke 9:23

But God...I don't want to walk on the water right now--I like it here where things are calm.

"Follow me."  Luke 9:59

But God...can you see that my family is happy with the way things are right now?

"Follow me."  Luke 9:61

But God...how can I know for sure that I have heard your still small voice?

"Follow me."  Luke 14:27

But God...you listening?  How will this ever come together?

"Follow me."  Luke 18:22

But God...do you think you could give this little assignment to somebody else?  Please?

"Follow me."  John 1:43

But God...what if things fall apart and my world comes crashing down?

"Follow me."  John 8:12

But God...I'm afraid of failure.

"Follow me."  John 10:27

But God...give it all up?  Seriously?

"Follow me."  John 12:26

But God...{insert a great reason not to do something}

"Follow me."  John 21:19

But God...{insert just one more great excuse}

"Follow me."  John 21:22

Sound familiar?

Excuses.  Excuses.  Excuses.  All very valid, of course.

"Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me." 

Luke 9:23

Even when the road is hard, and things make absolutely no sense...I WILL FOLLOW YOU!

 

Simply because you said so.

 

Lake Erie Monsters Game!

I decided to surprise my husband with more date nights.  It is so easy to get wrapped up in every day life that we can forget to take specific time to spend with just the two of us.  Last night was the first of the two surprise dates I have in store for him this month!  We also have another surprise planned for next Sunday.  Neither of us had been to a Lake Erie Monsters game before but we were surprised by the turnout.  I scored two great tickets on groupon for a fraction of the cost (love that site!). 



We intended on using a gift card at Outback before that we have except when we got there they were running over an hour wait for just two people.  We said forget it and we headed to the Q knowing there would be food there.  So we had dinner there of individual pizzas, soft pretzel, of course nacho's, and a cherry pepsi for me and a beer for him (likely equal to the price of Outback haha!)!

We came on their Hockey Fights Cancer night.  Everyone got pink rally towels and there was pink everywhere!




















Brian was completely surprised and we had awesome 14th row seats in the lower bowl!  We had fun cheering and dancing on a team we really had no allegiance to however if it's hockey Brian is all in!



All in all I have no regrets with our date night and we intend on heading to more games in the future...even though they lost in a shut out 2-0!

Meeko and Tucker

I haven't blogged too much about the pups lately!  Poor Tucker isn't getting his 5 seconds of fame very often!  While my phone is consumed with day-to-day pictures (yes I'm that crazy dog woman that takes a million pics of her dog on a daily basis!) I never seem to post any.  I decided today to pull out the Cannon real fast and snap a few quick pictures to post.  These are hot off the press as of less than a half hour ago! Tucker is 100% potty trained and has been about 2 weeks into us having him.  I am so relieved that he took to potty training so quickly like Meeko had.  My worry of getting another puppy was the on the hour bathroom runs.  The fence in our backyard now has been a life saver for us and this go around we could just open the door and let him fly rather than standing out their with a leash and crocks on in the blizzards! 



He is now 13 weeks old and a plump 14 lbs as of his vet visit on Tuesday.  He sleeps through the night without making a peep.  He is so cunning and smart that at times I think when he is full grown he may be smarter than his older brother Meeko which I thought was the smartest dog ever!  He is quick to learn but is also a complete spaz.  Any noise or movement and he is right there in the action.  He has an intense sense of smell that even Meeko now doesn't seem to have.  Whippets can come from different breeding background and Meeko came from running while Tucker seems to have come more from the hunting.  When we first got him he seemed to be the most independent little guy.  Meeko at his age (and still now) didn't leave my side and was always curled up laying with me.  This guy would cuddle a bit then be like "adios amigos" and take off to his own couch cushion.  The past two weeks though a light bulb has gone off and he suddenly wants to be by my side 24/7 and has become a cuddle king like Meeko. 


What I find funny is how Meeko was the instigator to Levi and now Tucker is the instigator to Meeko.  Meeko will look over at us when he is done playing with Tucker with THAT look like please get him away from me!  The two are best buds and can be found snuggling one minute and then the next wrestling together.  Meeko has really embraced Tucker and while Meeko has never met someone or a dog he doesn't like, I still hoped they would be close bonded rather than just live amongst another.  Thus far they seem very bonded and when the one leaves the room the other goes to find the other (more than like to be partners in crime!).  This weekend Tucker will get his first dose of the land.  We can't wait to see him running in the open woods with all the other dogs!