And Then There Were Two!

When we went into fostering we specifically were approved for up to two.  We had a preference for siblings after learning even sibling groups of two are generally split up between foster homes as few foster families are willing to take more than one.  While there are many sibling groups with more than two children, we knew we could only take on two at once knowing we intended on expanding our family as well.  When we got the placement call about baby E at first I was bummed that it was a single baby.  They did mention there are two siblings but were vague with where they were.  We decided to make the leap of faith and took baby E in thinking we would end up with two unrelated kids instead.  The day baby E arrived at our home her social worker mentioned there is a 14 month old biological brother living with a foster grandmother locally that may be interested in placing him with us.  After several weeks of being bounced around and uncertainty about him we even turned down another placement just in case he was an option, we finally got in touch with his foster grandmother.  It was clear within the first 2 minutes on the phone with her that she never intended on fostering but he fell into her arms and she wanted the siblings to remain together.  Her only request was that he go to a Christian family though she doesn't have real control over where he goes, but she was so happy that her prayers were answered for a church going Christian family.



We made plans the following day to get together.  We arrived at her house at 10 am.  N was sleeping so we talked for a little bit before we went upstairs to get him.  He was in his crib and looked right up and put his arms out to be picked up.  I see so much baby E in him down to the same piercing blue eyes.  He took to me right away as much as a 14 month old can.  He is a busy bee so always go-go-go but was willing to take a few seconds to sit on my lap and let me read him a book.  His foster grandmother uses several babysitters while she works therefore we called the right personnel and got approval that we could be her alternative caregivers and do respite for her while she works.  It has worked perfectly as he has transitioned so smoothly to our home.  He is so easy going and honestly an easy toddler.  Of course I know once he hits 2 that may be a different story :)



We took him to get his haircut and he got to experience his first sucker.  You know the barber was a male because no woman would give a toddler a blue sucker!  Suffice to say there was blue everywhere! 



It is tentative for sometime next week that we will be having a staffing meeting to have him officially moved to our home.  We have the second crib set up in the nursery and everything ready to go.  It was our prayer to have siblings placed with us and I am so happy we took the leap of faith to take baby E in not knowing that N would end up with us a month later.  God heard our prayers and knew in the end we would end up with siblings.  We have a great relationship building with his foster grandmother and she is so happy and relieved he is coming to us.  Their eldest sister is in the care of their maternal grandmother and will not be coming into care here. 



As far as N goes his current custody case is different than baby E's.  The county has already requested permanent custody (PC) and are having a preliminary court hearing today to get an official court date.  Permanent custody means the county is going in and requesting the courts to take away parental rights.  The county always has their plan towards reunification with the birth family however in this case birth mom has not completed her case plan therefore the county has changed their stance and is now working towards getting him to go PC and then adopted out. 


(This past Sunday we all went pumpkin picking together with my whole family!)

So what does this mean for N?  Well if the court decides he will go into PC of the county then we shall see where the case goes from there.  There is a maternal grandmother out of state however it is not known at this time what her intentions are for permanency.  She says one thing however if he goes PC then it is not unusual for family to change their minds when they know it will be a permanent placement. 



We have been told that if N goes PC there is a slight chance baby E may go PC at the same time depending on the judge.  Some judges give birth moms a chance with each of their children to work their case plan while others will terminate all at once.  All we can do is wait and see how the court system will play out but it is our understanding that chances are N and baby E will both be going PC at some point and permanency will be in question however one never knows what may happen. 



N gets along so well with baby E.  He frequently will walk over to her and touch her face or feet.  We have noticed he likes to share toys with her either by throwing them at her face or placing them by her feet so we are never too far away from the two.  Being that he is 14 months old there really is no jealousy issues.  Baby E frequently needs to be held and with N being a busy body only for a few minutes will he come over and want to be held too. 



N has honestly bonded so quickly to us.  I was expecting more grieving on his part but perhaps he is just too busy conquering the world to grieve.  We are specifically looking to teach him more stranger danger as he has a tendency to go right up to anyone smiling and wanting to be held.  He has an outgoing spirit, but at the same time we have to work on him bonding to us and looking to us to provide for his needs.  He easily lets us hold and rock him and throughout the day he is always bringing me a book or two requesting I read it to him.  He has his own little babble language but now has down dada and mama, now to get him to associate those names to us!



We are so blessed to have N with us as well as baby E.  He is so much fun and such a cheeser.  He is always smiling and laughing at everything, it just brightens our hearts.  We can't wait for next week to make his move to our home official!  At that point our home will definitely be closed to placements and all we can do is wait to see where their cases go.  In the meantime, we pray that the children's best interest is upheld.  It is our hope and prayer that the court system will work diligently and that they end up permanently where they are meant to go as soon as possible and are not lingering for too long in the system.  With N his case has been in the works since before he was born hence why he is going PC but it is a lengthy process and we pray baby E's case will be processed quickly.  As we always say, we know the Lord has great plans for both of these little ones and that we know to be true.


Baby E at her first wedding over the weekend in Pittsburgh!


She was super pretty in her wedding attire!

Update on Baby E!

(Can't say no to those dimples and smile!)

 

We had a very important meeting this past Thursday and had the opportunity to meet her birth mother.  The meeting went well and we got clarification on everything and more about the case and situation.  Mid October the county is going to court to petition for temporary custody (children are brought into care in emergency custody for immediate removal then if the county has a strong enough case they petition to change it to temporary custody - it's all legal "stuff") and a case plan is being assembled for birth mom to potentially work.  Without going into too much detail birth mom has refused to work case plans in the past for a prior child therefore termination of parental rights is currently in process for that child and there is a third child not in her care.  We do not know if she will or will not try to work baby E's case plan to get her back and only time will tell how the case will go. 


(Tucker takes babysitting very seriously!)

What we were told to expect was even if she works it entirely and successfully completes every goal due to the lengthiness and type of case plan it is, baby E will be with us for likely (likely as in at any point in foster care things can always change with a drop of a dime) at least a year if not close to a year and a half or two at the most.  If she refuses to work the case plan or falls behind the county can always seek permanent custody which means parental rights would be severed earlier but it's a long legal process we at this point have to just sit and watch play out.  Generally at these types of meetings not much is known as the child is just coming into care and the case is taking shape but due to birth mom's past with the system, having other children not in her care, and that she was monitored her entire pregnancy with baby E and it was known she would come into care upon birth we have a better idea of how everything will likely play out but again nothing is ever certain.



As for baby E she is truly thriving in our home.  She is putting healthy weight on to her tiny chicken legs and her face is starting to get pinchable cheeks!  She has been with us for 13 days now and we already see the difference and how quickly she is growing.  She is still swimming in newborn clothes and needing preemie diapers but we know it's only a matter of time before she outgrows them!  She is on a fantastic sleep schedule in the evening and our new to us bassinet in our room has proven to make nights even more bearable.  She is showing secure signs of bonding which is every foster parents dream as it is always a worry that one will have a child come into their home with attachment issues.



I have been asked if we truly love her as if she was our own and the answer is positively yes.  I wondered how quickly I would bond with a child I did not carry for 9 months myself, however my mama instincts have kicked in hard core and baby E being so receptive and in constant need of care has allowed for easy bonding.  I was surprised how difficult at our meeting it was to hand baby E to her birth mom to hold.  I had done all my reading and prepared my heart that this is the woman that brought her into this world however my heart tore a bit seeing her awkwardly in the arms of someone I don't even know.  I found myself saying many prayers throughout the meeting and luckily when she was being mishandled or fed incorrectly in front of us the social workers stepped in and corrected birth mom leaving me to only say a thing or two to her myself.  I even swallowed back some tears at one point with a comment her birth mom said about having a preference for another child over baby E, my heart was ripped in two and it was hard to sit there and bite my tongue knowing she has a beautiful healthy baby girl in front of her and wondering how a mother could make such a comment.


(Feedings are a group activity)

Baby E already has a preference for me and will smile when she hears my voice and turn her head.  I found when crying if I softly speak to her she will settle to listen to my voice.  We have been utilizing the baby carrier to promote bonding and to free up mama's arms and it has been so helpful.  Having a little one so needy and dependent on you, plus being a homemaker where she never leaves my side 24/7 it would be impossible not to bond and fall in love.  At the same time many have told us we should guard out hearts but to us that is not fair to baby E.  She deserves to be loved like crazy and the apple of somebody's eye.  She needs secure attachment and proper care to develop healthily and we have decided to let down all guards and just love her like crazy even if we have to let her go down the road, she needs to be somebody's everything.        


(First time watching tv....unfortunately the Indians lost!)

I have gotten a lot of questions about how I'm doing pregnant and caring for newborn baby E at the same time.  As most know, Brian is on a long term project for work out of town so is gone Monday through Thursday which leaves me on my own.  Many people seem concerned for me and I appreciate the concerns but can honestly say it has not had much of a toll on me.  Baby E is a pretty easy going baby.  She is on a great night sleep schedule and wakes every 3 hours for a changed diaper and feeding before drifting right back to sleep and being put in her bassinet.  At almost exactly 3 hours from when she is put down she will whine again which will wake me up to tend to her again by changing her, feeding her, and putting her back in her bassinet...rinse and repeat.  So I am getting 3 hours of uninterrupted sleep but to be honest before she was with us I was getting up every few hours anyways to use the bathroom and sometimes eat something so I wouldn't get nauseous or empty stomached.  It takes about 15-20 minutes to change her and feed her so during that time I sometimes eat a yogurt or just rest my eyes as we rock in the rocker in her nursery or cuddle in my bed as she drinks her bottle.  When Brian is home Thursday night through Monday morning he has taken primarily all of the night feedings and baby E and poppy have their bonding time! 


(Buddies already)

I know the good Lord had this all planned out as we got baby E right as I hit being 12 weeks pregnant.  From about week 6-10 I was always feeling exhausted and burnt out....it sure is a lot of work to make a baby!  By the time I hit 11 weeks I was feeling my energy come back and the Monday she came to us I actually woke up and told Brian before he left for out of town that I felt the best I have in a long time.  Funny thing is by the end of the day baby E was with us and my renewed energy has been vital in caring for her.  I have taken to the wise advice to sleep when baby does so I am sure to take a nap or sometimes two during the day while she is zonked out and that helps a lot!     

We're Expecting!

Yup it's true we are expecting and due April 9th!  The significance of where we took the above photo isn't obvious but when moving my sister in to college we took the opportunity to go back to our old stomping ground of the Mercy Walkway.  This is the walkway that Brian and I had our first kiss, countless walks and talks as we deepened our relationship with one another, and the place he proposed to me and I said yes!  It only seemed appropriate to return to the walkway that has been of significance in our lives to capture this moment as we share with everyone that we are officially expecting! 

We have called the baby our minion for sometime now and it has stuck as a nickname.  It has made the perfect code word to use amongst ourselves especially around others in conversation we weren't telling.  We intend on finding out the gender at the anatomy scan scheduled for November 15th so we have a little ways until then but either way we are so excited to welcome a little one into our family boy or girl!

Without further ado meet our minion:

First glimpse of our beautiful blob at 6 weeks and 1 day old.  We heard the heartbeat and all at this appointment and even had some tears over what looked like a shrimp in the ultrasound but looks blob like in the prints!


At 7 weeks and 5 days we saw our minion again looking more baby like.  The actual ultrasound seemed so detailed but the prints from it make our minion look like a starfish!   


11 weeks and 6 days old we saw our minion again with much more clarity.  Again the ultrasound prints are not as real looking as they were watching the screen.  We could see a nose, mouth, eyes, hands, and feet so perfectly.  So tiny yet already looking like a baby!


The 4d images were so cool!  The actual ultrasound seeing minion move around was unreal.


Hiding from the picture with its arm over its face!


The Dr. said everything looks great and baby is developing perfectly no concerns.  I did have to ask him if this indeed is the most beautiful baby he has ever seen on ultrasound and he agreed it is the best looking baby he has ever seen in all his years of experience :)   


Last but not least, long legs that were kicking and turning the whole time!  Minion was bouncing around and kept moving that it took some time for the ultrasound tech to be able to get some good shots.  It didn't help that I ate not long before the appointment so baby was filled up and putting on a show for us!