No One's Perfect

If the title doesn't give away my own current thought then I don't know what does!  Recently I was having a phone conversation with a close friend and she is currently going through some personal obstacles.  In the midst of our conversation I was getting the feeling that she was hinting to me that I have this "perfect life".  I stopped the conversation and boldly asked, "Wait are you implying that I have a perfect carefree life?" and here reply was, "I definitely think so, you have not a care in the world and your blog is filled with so much happiness and your every day life is so exciting.  You have your life together and things always go your way."  By the way I asked her if I could share this without identifying whom she is and she agreed because I wanted to take a moment and hack at this assumption.

I'm not sure if she is the only one that feels this way however I usually don't lend too much mind to what others think about me.  At the same time I find it important that I remain real and true to myself and my life and don't give off the persona that I'm this perfect 20-something year old wife and homemaker.  I make mistakes and fall just like others do.  I hate nothing more than fake people because they are setting up unrealistic expectations for others to attempt to be like when in reality it is fake and therefore unreachable leaving others feeling inferior and not "enough".  I am a rather bold person with an outgoing personality so it is near impossible for me not to voice my opinion.  I find blogging to be a wonderful way to journal and document every day life in which to share with others but mostly document for myself as each year I have a book printed and it becomes like a scrapbook of memories for that year.  It is amazing to look back and see how far we've come and to be where we are now.  At the same time I caution my readers that the internet only shows bits and pieces of people's lives.  It cannot show the full spectrum of my emotions, personal fears, or every aspect of my life.  I do leave a lot off the blog such as spousal disagreements, random tidbits, and life happenings that are not fit to be posted out there in the open.  I find myself to be honest and upfront about a lot of things here however often I let life developments happen then backtrack and blog about appropriate topics in past tense.  Currently we have some developments going on but we are waiting for an appropriate time and for things to work out better before we share.  It is important for everyone to realize on any blog or documenting experience, rarely do you see what's going on behind the scenes.  Behind closed doors there is more going on than what a simple blog posts or status emits and I'm positive this is true for everyone else too.

I thought that we all just know that everyone has problems and everyone's life gets messy sometimes?

I am just sad that we live in such a state that we can't be real with each other hence why I blog to be as real as possible.  I have written some very heartfelt posts about personal grief and triumph and know those feelings are the real deal.  I asked this friend in what ways she thought my life was "perfect" and I know she felt bad about her assumption, however I told her I would like to know so I can dispel that myth to show how far from perfect I am and that we are all fighting our own battles.  We all have strengths and weaknesses and I, as many others, try to use our strengths to the best of our abilities.  I told her specifically that I want to blog about this because this isn't the first time someone has told me that my life seems so organized and perfect....ok one moment please while I take a moment to laugh!  So here is a little list I compiled from that conversation that I want to slash.  I don't have to prove myself to anyone and I know that, but perhaps showing my weaknesses and life concerns, others will be able to relate to the things they too keep silent:

 

• Your house is so organized - I guess you have not seen our basement or garage lately!  Have you looked under our couches?!?!  Um please do not stick your head behind our toilet or look at the clean laundry pile on the floor in our bedroom that's been there and being picked through!  Truth is I'm pretty bad/lazy/disorganized/unmotivated when it comes to cleaning most the time.  Recently with Brian being gone Mon.-Thurs. and some other limitations my "homemaking" skills have been lacking.  I seem lately to wait for the mess to became unmanageable then declutter by mostly getting rid (via the trash the fastest way) and get in gear and clean like a crazy woman.  With only a few days with Brian home currently in our state of life, I have come to terms with the fact that I could choose my husband or I could choose cleaning on my weekends.  Oh darn I guess cleaning gets put on the back burner :)  I try to keep my house presentable and am great at quick cleaning when unsuspected guests arrive (It's amazing what just sweeping the floors and putting clean dishes away can do!) however this place is no Taj Mahal!  My bathroom could always use a good cleaning and here's another little secret...I normally don't make our bed in the morning!  Yup so there it is, the real truth is out there! 

 

• You are so self confident and happy - Being an outgoing person may lend to this misconception a bit.  Believe it or not I have some insecurities.  Yup it's true, I am like many other woman!  At the same time I try to be confident in what I believe in and what I do as I believe ones success is partly due to ones outlook.  I try to be confident but there are many days of hopelessness and days I throw my arms up in the air and say I give up.  You have those moments too?  Yup so do I!  My physical self confidence has been depleted with weight gain due to being off birth control that controls my Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS).  We had to make the decision whether I should go back on birth control to stabilize my hormones and return to my pre-weight or stay off of it and deal with the weight gain and other issues in order to get pregnant.  We obviously chose the latter and I would every time as it is a dream of ours, however it does not mean that I am super confident or feel great in this new body I've had to come to grips with.  Life is what it is.  As for being happy I am happy with where I am.  I of course always want something more however I have learned to try to be content.  We have food, clothing, a roof over our heads, and I share my life with an amazing individual so our basics are always met.  We avoid being continuously stuck chasing external outcomes and striving for happiness outside of us.  I believe we all have the choice and sometimes even in moments of despair and grief we can choose to see the bright side and be content and work towards being happy.  I do think it is a daily choice to see the cup half full or half empty.  Not to say I don't shed my tears or feel defeated, however I try to remain optimistic and work towards our goals. 

 

• You have a perfect family and husband - No family I know is perfect and that includes mine and my married-into one.  We are all doing life however we all have our battles and successes.  The illusion that any family is perfect is comical as there are so many facets in each family always at play.  While our pictures may show happy smiling faces, sometimes what we see in person is ugly and words are said and people make bad decisions, but in the end we are family.  We forgive and we move on because we unconditionally love one another.  So no my extended family is not perfect and nor are Brian or I.  Brian and I are two broken people making our way through life together in union.  Life gets oh so messy sometimes and we lose a lot of tears and experience heartache, but also share moments of jubilation and successes big and small together and I wouldn't have it any other way.  We don't always see eye to eye but we communicate and don't hold grudges and continue on with life together as one.  I don't try to change my husband or have unrealistic expectations of him, but embrace him for who he is just as he embraces me with all my flaws as well.  My husband is an incredible individual and I am blessed to be able to do life with him.  I have the perfect husband for me, he nor I are perfect, but we are perfect for each other.    

 

• Money - Well the truth is currently (at this moment as I know things can change in the blink of an eye) we are in a good place, not fantastic but good.  I'm not going to lie and say we are crawling in debt because we are not.  Beyond Brian's student loans and our mortgage, those are the only places of debt we are in however we consciously have made it that way and are working hard to get those paid off.  We both drive paid for cars, they aren't pieces of junk traveling on four wheels, but they aren't the newest sleekest models however they are paid for and get us to and from.  We are currently considering and saving as our family is hopefully expanding in the next few years so will need to purchase a minivan or SUV so that is something we are working towards and considering taking out a car loan or purchasing a used one in the near future.  At the same time we aren't rolling in any dough.  There have been many of months we have cut it close and even, however we continue to save what we can knowing that the inevitable unforeseen circumstance is bound to happen....and always does!  We live on a pretty strict budget with the security blanket being that Brian works on salary but we don't indulge in a lot of "extra's".  We've purposely opted to live on one income and for us it totally has worked.  Again, we don't live lavishly and we live without a lot of "more" and "things" but for us this works.  We do own our home and it is a cozy 3 bedroom ranch, no perfect 8 bedroom mansion, but a house that we have made into our home.  There has been many of times we have absolutely no idea how the money would show up when unforeseen life issues happen.  Somehow, someway the money has always arrived.  Every single time, one being a late tax return when we had a hefty expense arrive.  With prayer and budgeting we have been able to make our lifestyle work for us.  While we do have medical insurance, our infertility treatments, medicines, and surgeries in the past two years I've added up and it is in the thousands that we have spent.  For us it is a cause worth it for us, so again we budget around priorities of ours just as others budget around their own priorities.  If we absolutely truly want to splurge on something we will find a way to do it or get it, it may not be immediately and it may mean saving for a while or putting a lot of our own personal sweat and tears into it, but we will work towards it.  I cut costs by distinguishing needs from wants, saying no to "more", clipping coupons, making our own laundry detergent, buying in bulk to save, buying generic foods at times, eating in instead of eating out, and not buying much of a new wardrobe.  We easily could be consumed with debt if we just charged whatever we wanted, however we wait and save and reassess if it is a need if the savings is there.  For us it works.  Yes we have cable, xbox live, run our air conditioning all summer (sorry I know how I get without air conditioning!), and keep a warm home in the winter, but for us we budget our priorities.

 

• We can go and do whatever we want - We say no a lot!  There are many times the budget gets close and we opt out even when we wish we could indulge with others.  We know in time and with yearly career improvements we will get there, but we are still starting out 2 years into our marriage and work world.  We've been invited to join on vacations and cruises but we don't do either.  We go camping instead for weekend retreats, but it is not in the budget to travel and for Brian to take time away from work for such adventures.  We really pulled strings and scrimped to be able to go on our mission trip to Honduras, but that was a year ago and unfortunately it was not in the cards for this year or likely next.  We could easily charge a credit card and go on big adventures however we choose to invest in our future and do adventures close to home that are budget friendly.  We recently skipped out on a wedding we intended to go to this summer because of unforeseen circumstances depleting our savings that we had specifically budgeted for the trip.  Cue in my car brakes completely going and being in the high triple figures to fix!  Yup life happens and we roll with it.  We sit out from a lot but we also take many opportunities up when we can.  We aren't living a life of less happiness by any means, however we have learned the art of saying no in order to live as debt free as possible. 

 

• Everything in your life is so exciting - Here comes the truth, most of our days are pretty boring!  We keep busy and try to enjoy life, however we aren't living any heroic lives.  Day to day grind is not pretty.  We live near my family so we are busy with events and we are always up for a local adventure so we remain active but exciting isn't how I would always put it.  Yes we have had a lot of exciting moments in our life and we continue to have them, but everything is not so exciting and cheerful.  Many of my posts revolve around our whippets and straw bale gardening because guess what, that was our excitement that day!  We are always evolving and sometimes we go through some ugly stages like a caterpillar in an ugly brown cocoon but then we emerge as beautiful butterflies and it is exciting when we see the beauty and successes in our life, but most days we are crawling along as the boring caterpillar or are stuck in the ugly cocoon waiting for the next exciting moment that we can emerge into. 

 

• You seem to have no worry at all - Well little may people know, I am married to the biggest worry wart ever!  As in ever!  He gets huge anxiety over things, mostly out of our control, so I have learned to have to go to the other extreme to balance us out.  There are things I worry about or let consume my thoughts, but at the same time I try to remain positive and not worry as I internally know it'll work out, it always does.  It may not always work out how we plan it but it always works out for the best.  I have found it is best to just embrace the unknown.  When I let go, things start to work out.  I know we try to setup stable groundwork and do what we can, but there is so much in life out of our control as all I can do is seal it with a prayer and kiss and put my trust into hoping for the best.  The last two years of infertility treatments and a miscarriage loss has really taught us not to sweat the little things and learn how out of control most of our lives are.  The things I have control of I make sure I take care of, but there is only so much we can do to the best of our abilities then all we can do from there is hope for a good outcome.  So yes I do worry, I'm human, but for sanity in our home I need to balance out my worry wart husband and do that by keeping my cool a lot :)   

 

• You even have the picture perfect two dogs - Ok I almost spit my water out at this comment!  Yes yes for those that know my dogs, yes they are perfect to me :)  There is no better dog than whippets as they are a unique breed of their own!  We love Meeko and Tucker as they are our two fur babies but reality is they are four legged canines, they steal food, eat and chew things they shouldn't, need to be let out to potty, injury themselves racking up expensive emergency vet bills, and are way too excited to see us each time we enter the room even if we just saw them 5 seconds ago.  They are not any more perfect than humans and take responsibility, upkeep, money, and time but we are overfilled with cuddles, walking partners, laughs, and specifically companionship especially when Brian travels so these two guys are far from perfect but perfect for us!