(Can't say no to those dimples and smile!)
We had a very important meeting this past Thursday and had the opportunity to meet her birth mother. The meeting went well and we got clarification on everything and more about the case and situation. Mid October the county is going to court to petition for temporary custody (children are brought into care in emergency custody for immediate removal then if the county has a strong enough case they petition to change it to temporary custody - it's all legal "stuff") and a case plan is being assembled for birth mom to potentially work. Without going into too much detail birth mom has refused to work case plans in the past for a prior child therefore termination of parental rights is currently in process for that child and there is a third child not in her care. We do not know if she will or will not try to work baby E's case plan to get her back and only time will tell how the case will go.
(Tucker takes babysitting very seriously!)
What we were told to expect was even if she works it entirely and successfully completes every goal due to the lengthiness and type of case plan it is, baby E will be with us for likely (likely as in at any point in foster care things can always change with a drop of a dime) at least a year if not close to a year and a half or two at the most. If she refuses to work the case plan or falls behind the county can always seek permanent custody which means parental rights would be severed earlier but it's a long legal process we at this point have to just sit and watch play out. Generally at these types of meetings not much is known as the child is just coming into care and the case is taking shape but due to birth mom's past with the system, having other children not in her care, and that she was monitored her entire pregnancy with baby E and it was known she would come into care upon birth we have a better idea of how everything will likely play out but again nothing is ever certain.
As for baby E she is truly thriving in our home. She is putting healthy weight on to her tiny chicken legs and her face is starting to get pinchable cheeks! She has been with us for 13 days now and we already see the difference and how quickly she is growing. She is still swimming in newborn clothes and needing preemie diapers but we know it's only a matter of time before she outgrows them! She is on a fantastic sleep schedule in the evening and our new to us bassinet in our room has proven to make nights even more bearable. She is showing secure signs of bonding which is every foster parents dream as it is always a worry that one will have a child come into their home with attachment issues.
I have been asked if we truly love her as if she was our own and the answer is positively yes. I wondered how quickly I would bond with a child I did not carry for 9 months myself, however my mama instincts have kicked in hard core and baby E being so receptive and in constant need of care has allowed for easy bonding. I was surprised how difficult at our meeting it was to hand baby E to her birth mom to hold. I had done all my reading and prepared my heart that this is the woman that brought her into this world however my heart tore a bit seeing her awkwardly in the arms of someone I don't even know. I found myself saying many prayers throughout the meeting and luckily when she was being mishandled or fed incorrectly in front of us the social workers stepped in and corrected birth mom leaving me to only say a thing or two to her myself. I even swallowed back some tears at one point with a comment her birth mom said about having a preference for another child over baby E, my heart was ripped in two and it was hard to sit there and bite my tongue knowing she has a beautiful healthy baby girl in front of her and wondering how a mother could make such a comment.
(Feedings are a group activity)
Baby E already has a preference for me and will smile when she hears my voice and turn her head. I found when crying if I softly speak to her she will settle to listen to my voice. We have been utilizing the baby carrier to promote bonding and to free up mama's arms and it has been so helpful. Having a little one so needy and dependent on you, plus being a homemaker where she never leaves my side 24/7 it would be impossible not to bond and fall in love. At the same time many have told us we should guard out hearts but to us that is not fair to baby E. She deserves to be loved like crazy and the apple of somebody's eye. She needs secure attachment and proper care to develop healthily and we have decided to let down all guards and just love her like crazy even if we have to let her go down the road, she needs to be somebody's everything.
(First time watching tv....unfortunately the Indians lost!)
I have gotten a lot of questions about how I'm doing pregnant and caring for newborn baby E at the same time. As most know, Brian is on a long term project for work out of town so is gone Monday through Thursday which leaves me on my own. Many people seem concerned for me and I appreciate the concerns but can honestly say it has not had much of a toll on me. Baby E is a pretty easy going baby. She is on a great night sleep schedule and wakes every 3 hours for a changed diaper and feeding before drifting right back to sleep and being put in her bassinet. At almost exactly 3 hours from when she is put down she will whine again which will wake me up to tend to her again by changing her, feeding her, and putting her back in her bassinet...rinse and repeat. So I am getting 3 hours of uninterrupted sleep but to be honest before she was with us I was getting up every few hours anyways to use the bathroom and sometimes eat something so I wouldn't get nauseous or empty stomached. It takes about 15-20 minutes to change her and feed her so during that time I sometimes eat a yogurt or just rest my eyes as we rock in the rocker in her nursery or cuddle in my bed as she drinks her bottle. When Brian is home Thursday night through Monday morning he has taken primarily all of the night feedings and baby E and poppy have their bonding time!
(Buddies already)
I know the good Lord had this all planned out as we got baby E right as I hit being 12 weeks pregnant. From about week 6-10 I was always feeling exhausted and burnt out....it sure is a lot of work to make a baby! By the time I hit 11 weeks I was feeling my energy come back and the Monday she came to us I actually woke up and told Brian before he left for out of town that I felt the best I have in a long time. Funny thing is by the end of the day baby E was with us and my renewed energy has been vital in caring for her. I have taken to the wise advice to sleep when baby does so I am sure to take a nap or sometimes two during the day while she is zonked out and that helps a lot!
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