The Power of a Single Picture

One picture.  So simple.  Not glamorous by the least bit.  Nothing flashy.  Not really captivating.  Not the best angle.  Completely oblivious to it being taken.  So boring.  Yet so powerful.

So why is this photo so powerful to me?  What makes it so special?  Why am I reposting it?  We all have pictures that were taken at some point of us in front of our birthday cakes, so why is this one so important?  To me this is the reality of how each year can make a total difference.  It reminds me of the power of prayer and tenacity.  The power of hoping and pushing forward to overcome obstacles.

Two years ago I stood before my Christmas birthday cake.  At the time we had just found out I was diagnosed with PCOS after a battery of tests and several months of trying to start our family to no avail.  We knew right before Christmas that we would need assistance to get pregnant and we were sure it was a simple fix.  I stood before that birthday cake with its candles glowing and in my heart made my secret wish that by next year when I stand before that cake that I would be holding a little one in my arms.  Little did we know what the next year ahead of us would entail. 

One year ago I once again stood before that birthday cake Christmas evening.  One extra candle was added and glowed brightly as I stood there with empty arms and a just as empty heart.  April 24th of that year brought excitement as we got two pink lines for the first time.  We were naive and jumping for joy thinking we beat this beast of infertility.  Excitement was high as our little one would be due around Christmas.  This was the miracle I had wished for before I blew out those candles the year prior.  If I wasn't holding our little one in my arms by this Christmas, I would surely be carrying them nearing the end of pregnancy but the beginning of a family.  After weeks of ups and downs, at the end of May, we found out our joy had been extinguished in a matter of a moment at an ultrasound that lacked a heartbeat.  Surgery was necessary right after, recovery happened, bitter tears fell, anger seeped in, my world felt like it was caving in, just like that hope began to be renewed, ultrasounds followed to start up fertility treatments again, then in September back to a dark place I went as I found out I needed yet another surgery and couldn't proceed with another cycle round.  Recovery was tough, the emotional part was just as hard as the physical part the second time around.  I felt so hopeless as if it was yet another miscarriage all over again.  I found myself back in that dark place, a place I never thought I would be able to crawl out of.  We were able to start a fertility cycle the end of November that ran into December and with it brought some relief and determination.  There was a teeny bit of hope that before Christmas we would get those two pink lines.  Those lines never came.  My heart was battered and torn but I stood before those candles again and secretly wished with all of my being that next year I would fill these empty arms or at least be able to wrap these arms around a growing baby belly.

This year I stood before that birthday cake with more than I ever could imagine.  Instead of an added candle there was just one candle that stood tall and flickered brightly.  I stood there with my arms wrapped around a baby girl who I may not have carried within me, but I had carried for so long in my heart and love her all the same.  I stood there as a little guy laid passed out on the couch exhausted from the days holiday thrills spent with us for the first time.  I stood there triumphantly with a little boy growing inside of me just as the excitement for his arrival in the coming months is growing.  When I stood before that birthday cake and those twinkling candles a year and two years ago, little did I know that this third year I would have a triple answer to my secret wishes and prayers. 

This unattractive, boring, unpretentious photo represents so much more to me.  I was oblivious to it being taken, but it captures naturally so much.  As I went through my pictures from Christmas day, I was pleasantly surprised to come across this one and immediately reflected on how powerful and what it represents to me.  I can honestly say, in that moment, I smiled back the happy tears that were forming in my eyes.  I was completely aware of how blessed I am in that very moment and how wishes and prayers do come true.  It is amazing the difference a year and two years can make.  I stood there before that candle and for the first time in two years, secretly had to wish for something different, something new, and that folks is powerful!

We're Expecting!

Yup it's true we are expecting and due April 9th!  The significance of where we took the above photo isn't obvious but when moving my sister in to college we took the opportunity to go back to our old stomping ground of the Mercy Walkway.  This is the walkway that Brian and I had our first kiss, countless walks and talks as we deepened our relationship with one another, and the place he proposed to me and I said yes!  It only seemed appropriate to return to the walkway that has been of significance in our lives to capture this moment as we share with everyone that we are officially expecting! 

We have called the baby our minion for sometime now and it has stuck as a nickname.  It has made the perfect code word to use amongst ourselves especially around others in conversation we weren't telling.  We intend on finding out the gender at the anatomy scan scheduled for November 15th so we have a little ways until then but either way we are so excited to welcome a little one into our family boy or girl!

Without further ado meet our minion:

First glimpse of our beautiful blob at 6 weeks and 1 day old.  We heard the heartbeat and all at this appointment and even had some tears over what looked like a shrimp in the ultrasound but looks blob like in the prints!


At 7 weeks and 5 days we saw our minion again looking more baby like.  The actual ultrasound seemed so detailed but the prints from it make our minion look like a starfish!   


11 weeks and 6 days old we saw our minion again with much more clarity.  Again the ultrasound prints are not as real looking as they were watching the screen.  We could see a nose, mouth, eyes, hands, and feet so perfectly.  So tiny yet already looking like a baby!


The 4d images were so cool!  The actual ultrasound seeing minion move around was unreal.


Hiding from the picture with its arm over its face!


The Dr. said everything looks great and baby is developing perfectly no concerns.  I did have to ask him if this indeed is the most beautiful baby he has ever seen on ultrasound and he agreed it is the best looking baby he has ever seen in all his years of experience :)   


Last but not least, long legs that were kicking and turning the whole time!  Minion was bouncing around and kept moving that it took some time for the ultrasound tech to be able to get some good shots.  It didn't help that I ate not long before the appointment so baby was filled up and putting on a show for us!

No One's Perfect

If the title doesn't give away my own current thought then I don't know what does!  Recently I was having a phone conversation with a close friend and she is currently going through some personal obstacles.  In the midst of our conversation I was getting the feeling that she was hinting to me that I have this "perfect life".  I stopped the conversation and boldly asked, "Wait are you implying that I have a perfect carefree life?" and here reply was, "I definitely think so, you have not a care in the world and your blog is filled with so much happiness and your every day life is so exciting.  You have your life together and things always go your way."  By the way I asked her if I could share this without identifying whom she is and she agreed because I wanted to take a moment and hack at this assumption.

I'm not sure if she is the only one that feels this way however I usually don't lend too much mind to what others think about me.  At the same time I find it important that I remain real and true to myself and my life and don't give off the persona that I'm this perfect 20-something year old wife and homemaker.  I make mistakes and fall just like others do.  I hate nothing more than fake people because they are setting up unrealistic expectations for others to attempt to be like when in reality it is fake and therefore unreachable leaving others feeling inferior and not "enough".  I am a rather bold person with an outgoing personality so it is near impossible for me not to voice my opinion.  I find blogging to be a wonderful way to journal and document every day life in which to share with others but mostly document for myself as each year I have a book printed and it becomes like a scrapbook of memories for that year.  It is amazing to look back and see how far we've come and to be where we are now.  At the same time I caution my readers that the internet only shows bits and pieces of people's lives.  It cannot show the full spectrum of my emotions, personal fears, or every aspect of my life.  I do leave a lot off the blog such as spousal disagreements, random tidbits, and life happenings that are not fit to be posted out there in the open.  I find myself to be honest and upfront about a lot of things here however often I let life developments happen then backtrack and blog about appropriate topics in past tense.  Currently we have some developments going on but we are waiting for an appropriate time and for things to work out better before we share.  It is important for everyone to realize on any blog or documenting experience, rarely do you see what's going on behind the scenes.  Behind closed doors there is more going on than what a simple blog posts or status emits and I'm positive this is true for everyone else too.

I thought that we all just know that everyone has problems and everyone's life gets messy sometimes?

I am just sad that we live in such a state that we can't be real with each other hence why I blog to be as real as possible.  I have written some very heartfelt posts about personal grief and triumph and know those feelings are the real deal.  I asked this friend in what ways she thought my life was "perfect" and I know she felt bad about her assumption, however I told her I would like to know so I can dispel that myth to show how far from perfect I am and that we are all fighting our own battles.  We all have strengths and weaknesses and I, as many others, try to use our strengths to the best of our abilities.  I told her specifically that I want to blog about this because this isn't the first time someone has told me that my life seems so organized and perfect....ok one moment please while I take a moment to laugh!  So here is a little list I compiled from that conversation that I want to slash.  I don't have to prove myself to anyone and I know that, but perhaps showing my weaknesses and life concerns, others will be able to relate to the things they too keep silent:

 

• Your house is so organized - I guess you have not seen our basement or garage lately!  Have you looked under our couches?!?!  Um please do not stick your head behind our toilet or look at the clean laundry pile on the floor in our bedroom that's been there and being picked through!  Truth is I'm pretty bad/lazy/disorganized/unmotivated when it comes to cleaning most the time.  Recently with Brian being gone Mon.-Thurs. and some other limitations my "homemaking" skills have been lacking.  I seem lately to wait for the mess to became unmanageable then declutter by mostly getting rid (via the trash the fastest way) and get in gear and clean like a crazy woman.  With only a few days with Brian home currently in our state of life, I have come to terms with the fact that I could choose my husband or I could choose cleaning on my weekends.  Oh darn I guess cleaning gets put on the back burner :)  I try to keep my house presentable and am great at quick cleaning when unsuspected guests arrive (It's amazing what just sweeping the floors and putting clean dishes away can do!) however this place is no Taj Mahal!  My bathroom could always use a good cleaning and here's another little secret...I normally don't make our bed in the morning!  Yup so there it is, the real truth is out there! 

 

• You are so self confident and happy - Being an outgoing person may lend to this misconception a bit.  Believe it or not I have some insecurities.  Yup it's true, I am like many other woman!  At the same time I try to be confident in what I believe in and what I do as I believe ones success is partly due to ones outlook.  I try to be confident but there are many days of hopelessness and days I throw my arms up in the air and say I give up.  You have those moments too?  Yup so do I!  My physical self confidence has been depleted with weight gain due to being off birth control that controls my Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS).  We had to make the decision whether I should go back on birth control to stabilize my hormones and return to my pre-weight or stay off of it and deal with the weight gain and other issues in order to get pregnant.  We obviously chose the latter and I would every time as it is a dream of ours, however it does not mean that I am super confident or feel great in this new body I've had to come to grips with.  Life is what it is.  As for being happy I am happy with where I am.  I of course always want something more however I have learned to try to be content.  We have food, clothing, a roof over our heads, and I share my life with an amazing individual so our basics are always met.  We avoid being continuously stuck chasing external outcomes and striving for happiness outside of us.  I believe we all have the choice and sometimes even in moments of despair and grief we can choose to see the bright side and be content and work towards being happy.  I do think it is a daily choice to see the cup half full or half empty.  Not to say I don't shed my tears or feel defeated, however I try to remain optimistic and work towards our goals. 

 

• You have a perfect family and husband - No family I know is perfect and that includes mine and my married-into one.  We are all doing life however we all have our battles and successes.  The illusion that any family is perfect is comical as there are so many facets in each family always at play.  While our pictures may show happy smiling faces, sometimes what we see in person is ugly and words are said and people make bad decisions, but in the end we are family.  We forgive and we move on because we unconditionally love one another.  So no my extended family is not perfect and nor are Brian or I.  Brian and I are two broken people making our way through life together in union.  Life gets oh so messy sometimes and we lose a lot of tears and experience heartache, but also share moments of jubilation and successes big and small together and I wouldn't have it any other way.  We don't always see eye to eye but we communicate and don't hold grudges and continue on with life together as one.  I don't try to change my husband or have unrealistic expectations of him, but embrace him for who he is just as he embraces me with all my flaws as well.  My husband is an incredible individual and I am blessed to be able to do life with him.  I have the perfect husband for me, he nor I are perfect, but we are perfect for each other.    

 

• Money - Well the truth is currently (at this moment as I know things can change in the blink of an eye) we are in a good place, not fantastic but good.  I'm not going to lie and say we are crawling in debt because we are not.  Beyond Brian's student loans and our mortgage, those are the only places of debt we are in however we consciously have made it that way and are working hard to get those paid off.  We both drive paid for cars, they aren't pieces of junk traveling on four wheels, but they aren't the newest sleekest models however they are paid for and get us to and from.  We are currently considering and saving as our family is hopefully expanding in the next few years so will need to purchase a minivan or SUV so that is something we are working towards and considering taking out a car loan or purchasing a used one in the near future.  At the same time we aren't rolling in any dough.  There have been many of months we have cut it close and even, however we continue to save what we can knowing that the inevitable unforeseen circumstance is bound to happen....and always does!  We live on a pretty strict budget with the security blanket being that Brian works on salary but we don't indulge in a lot of "extra's".  We've purposely opted to live on one income and for us it totally has worked.  Again, we don't live lavishly and we live without a lot of "more" and "things" but for us this works.  We do own our home and it is a cozy 3 bedroom ranch, no perfect 8 bedroom mansion, but a house that we have made into our home.  There has been many of times we have absolutely no idea how the money would show up when unforeseen life issues happen.  Somehow, someway the money has always arrived.  Every single time, one being a late tax return when we had a hefty expense arrive.  With prayer and budgeting we have been able to make our lifestyle work for us.  While we do have medical insurance, our infertility treatments, medicines, and surgeries in the past two years I've added up and it is in the thousands that we have spent.  For us it is a cause worth it for us, so again we budget around priorities of ours just as others budget around their own priorities.  If we absolutely truly want to splurge on something we will find a way to do it or get it, it may not be immediately and it may mean saving for a while or putting a lot of our own personal sweat and tears into it, but we will work towards it.  I cut costs by distinguishing needs from wants, saying no to "more", clipping coupons, making our own laundry detergent, buying in bulk to save, buying generic foods at times, eating in instead of eating out, and not buying much of a new wardrobe.  We easily could be consumed with debt if we just charged whatever we wanted, however we wait and save and reassess if it is a need if the savings is there.  For us it works.  Yes we have cable, xbox live, run our air conditioning all summer (sorry I know how I get without air conditioning!), and keep a warm home in the winter, but for us we budget our priorities.

 

• We can go and do whatever we want - We say no a lot!  There are many times the budget gets close and we opt out even when we wish we could indulge with others.  We know in time and with yearly career improvements we will get there, but we are still starting out 2 years into our marriage and work world.  We've been invited to join on vacations and cruises but we don't do either.  We go camping instead for weekend retreats, but it is not in the budget to travel and for Brian to take time away from work for such adventures.  We really pulled strings and scrimped to be able to go on our mission trip to Honduras, but that was a year ago and unfortunately it was not in the cards for this year or likely next.  We could easily charge a credit card and go on big adventures however we choose to invest in our future and do adventures close to home that are budget friendly.  We recently skipped out on a wedding we intended to go to this summer because of unforeseen circumstances depleting our savings that we had specifically budgeted for the trip.  Cue in my car brakes completely going and being in the high triple figures to fix!  Yup life happens and we roll with it.  We sit out from a lot but we also take many opportunities up when we can.  We aren't living a life of less happiness by any means, however we have learned the art of saying no in order to live as debt free as possible. 

 

• Everything in your life is so exciting - Here comes the truth, most of our days are pretty boring!  We keep busy and try to enjoy life, however we aren't living any heroic lives.  Day to day grind is not pretty.  We live near my family so we are busy with events and we are always up for a local adventure so we remain active but exciting isn't how I would always put it.  Yes we have had a lot of exciting moments in our life and we continue to have them, but everything is not so exciting and cheerful.  Many of my posts revolve around our whippets and straw bale gardening because guess what, that was our excitement that day!  We are always evolving and sometimes we go through some ugly stages like a caterpillar in an ugly brown cocoon but then we emerge as beautiful butterflies and it is exciting when we see the beauty and successes in our life, but most days we are crawling along as the boring caterpillar or are stuck in the ugly cocoon waiting for the next exciting moment that we can emerge into. 

 

• You seem to have no worry at all - Well little may people know, I am married to the biggest worry wart ever!  As in ever!  He gets huge anxiety over things, mostly out of our control, so I have learned to have to go to the other extreme to balance us out.  There are things I worry about or let consume my thoughts, but at the same time I try to remain positive and not worry as I internally know it'll work out, it always does.  It may not always work out how we plan it but it always works out for the best.  I have found it is best to just embrace the unknown.  When I let go, things start to work out.  I know we try to setup stable groundwork and do what we can, but there is so much in life out of our control as all I can do is seal it with a prayer and kiss and put my trust into hoping for the best.  The last two years of infertility treatments and a miscarriage loss has really taught us not to sweat the little things and learn how out of control most of our lives are.  The things I have control of I make sure I take care of, but there is only so much we can do to the best of our abilities then all we can do from there is hope for a good outcome.  So yes I do worry, I'm human, but for sanity in our home I need to balance out my worry wart husband and do that by keeping my cool a lot :)   

 

• You even have the picture perfect two dogs - Ok I almost spit my water out at this comment!  Yes yes for those that know my dogs, yes they are perfect to me :)  There is no better dog than whippets as they are a unique breed of their own!  We love Meeko and Tucker as they are our two fur babies but reality is they are four legged canines, they steal food, eat and chew things they shouldn't, need to be let out to potty, injury themselves racking up expensive emergency vet bills, and are way too excited to see us each time we enter the room even if we just saw them 5 seconds ago.  They are not any more perfect than humans and take responsibility, upkeep, money, and time but we are overfilled with cuddles, walking partners, laughs, and specifically companionship especially when Brian travels so these two guys are far from perfect but perfect for us! 

Choose Your Boyfriend/Husband Wisely

At this stage in our lives on the verge of turning 25, a handful of our friends are married while some are in serious relationships and others are out and about dancing in the dating field.  I am confronted every day by the men that surround my girlfriends and sisters for the better or for the worse.  I am not posting this for one specific individual or another but feel that it's crucially important for my friends and sisters to open their eyes to the men they are letting into their lives.  None of us are in high school any more and none of us should be "dating for fun".  I know even those that say they are truly are only saying that to guard their hearts when all they do really want is commitment.  I am not saying go out and meet any man and marry him or that everyone needs to be married before 25, what I am saying is it is time each of us opens our eyes and looks for a long-term commitment.  Dating is no longer about the highs and lows of a dysfunctional relationship.  It's not about dating random strangers, the pursuit of premarital intimacy, or the emotional rush of each new relationship.  What it's about is looking for a mate with an end in mind.  Just because a guy finally gives you attention everything else does not have to go out the window.  There are crucial traits that make a man a good husband that every woman should be looking for.  Forget the lust of simply a good date and look for a man that will likely end with a "happily ever after" instead of just heartbreak. 

In no certain order I am putting out there examples of what every woman should look for in a boyfriend which may lead to a wonderful husband.  Saying you love him is not enough for a successful relationship because those fluttering lovey moments don't last when hard times come.  I am not saying I know it all or that any man (let alone woman!) is perfect.  We are all flawed and sin.  I am not saying a man won't stumble from time to time, but it is important that he embodies these characteristics and has his feet firmly on the ground.  I looked for each and every one of these traits in my husband while we were dating and can honestly say after two years of marriage (6 years since beginning to date) if it wasn't for the great groundwork my husband embodies married life would not be so successful.  We definitely have our moments we are not proud of however we have built our marriage on strong principles and know that whatever trouble comes our way we will appropriately deal with it and end up stronger in the end.  This list does not include what we as girlfriends and potential wives should embody but that is its own post.

1. Look at his family - How does he treat his mother?  Well guess what more than likely its been proven he will treat you the exact same way!  Were his parents married or divorced?  Guess what, its been proven that their marriage will flourish or break off just like whatever their parents marriage has done.  Not saying you cannot break the cycle however if he was not surrounded by health relationship examples then he more than likely does not know how to be in a healthy relationship.  Look for a man that grew up around a successful marriage and right there will already give you great relationship foundation.

2. Actions match his words - He's not all talk no action.  If he says he will do something then you can depend on him not to come up with excuses and back out last minute.  A rebellious guy may catch your eye at first but they will not lead themselves or you well.  He has to be willing to listen to others, change his point of view, and admit he is not always right.  A man who puts up a tough exterior generally is a broken person inside putting up the hard front to hide behind.  You should not need to have a pickaxe to get to the true person they are. 

3. Willing to listen and communicate - He has to be able to listen to you.  No interject or make you feel like you can never talk to him.  He also has to be able to openly communicate his thoughts and needs to you.  Neither of us can read each others minds so an open line of communication is crucial for a healthy relationship.  If you have to pull his teeth to get answers or how he feels then unless your a dentist forget it!  If he's not willing to listen to your needs and respond or communicate with you his needs then that's a major red flag for problems to come down the road.

4. Has a steady career and education - It's important that he has a stable career and shows he's committed to his work.  He needs a career not just another loosey goosey job.  Jobless at our age is not something you want.  You need a man that has an 8am-5pm job or something similar Mon-Fri like all other men providing for their families.  He needs an education because otherwise he will restricted to the potential of job growth.  Without an education his job options will be limited and what he's doing now is all he will ever be able to do, there is nowhere to work up these days.  The average college graduate today will make far more over the course of their life than the average high school graduate who does not attend college.  Yes college has upfront costs, but it far far outweighs the long term investment that it is.  There is also a manner in which an educated man is taught to carry himself.  He does not use vulgar language or drop f-bombs every other word as if it is an adjective for everything.  He conducts himself with integrity and knows f-bombs are for uneducated individuals that do not have a repertoire of other word usage options.

5. Wants to marry you not cohabitate with you - Cohabitation, basically commitment with an escape route, is on the rise.  Women crave commitment to feel safe, secure, and wanted and cohabitation allows men to give a false sense of those things, without a concrete commitment.  Why put a ring on your finger if they can pretend to live a married life but be able to leave easily if they want?   Look for a man that is looking for the future to put a ring on your finger before he's asking for you to be his buddy roommate.

6. Confident and emotionally stable - You do not need a man that is insecure and needy.  Woman have enough insecurities to have to then deal with a mans.  You need a man you can lean on for support.  Being confident does not mean cocky, but sure of himself. 

7. Always supports you no matter how crazy your ideas are - As simple as it states.  He needs to be supportive of you and your goals.  If he is always pulling you down or saying you can't do something then guess what, that relationship won't go anywhere.  If you are always emotionally drained because of him then ditch him.  He needs to support and boost you and make you a better person.

8. Willing to become apart of your family and gets along with them - You marry your husband family is no farther from the truth.  Make it easy on yourself, find a man that your family accepts and be accepted by his family.  If he is casted off as the black sheep in your family then forget it, in-laws create too many problems in a marriage and is one of the main reasons for divorces.  Make it easy on yourself, find someone that meshes well with your parents and has a great relationship with his own family. 

9. Has driven goals - If you ask any man what they want to do their lives or where they want to be in 5 years you should get a simple answer.  A man that is living by his boot strings and does not know what he wants only means he will not know what he wants in your relationship either.  You need a man that not only has goals but is also motivated to work towards them.  Again we are not in high school any more trying to find ourselves and our calling, we should know what we want and be making progress towards it.  If he has a goal you should be able to see steps he's taking to get there.  Does he want a house?  Is he saving for it?  Does he want a career in auto mechanics?  Well is he in school or work towards getting certified for it?  You should be able to see concrete steps he is taking to work towards his goals because let me tell you, if he's not taking concrete steps for himself he won't be taking concrete steps and having driven goals with you either. 

10. Similar values and outlook on life - If this is someone you never could have seen yourself with because he is polar opposite then be aware opposites may attract at first but long term having nothing in common will pull you apart.  You need a man who has similar values and an outlook on life.  Does not mean you have to agree on absolutely everything, but if you generally are not in agreeance with one another's values that you are going to have a tough road to travel as you will never agree and always be at odds with each other. 

11. Gentle, Unconditional, and affectionate - He needs to be able to control his strength and balance it with grace.  Never should he raise his voice or arm to you.  He needs to love you unconditionally and treasure you for the person you are.  You should be put before everything, before his friends, before his extracurriculars, before his work.  He needs to be gentle and understanding and also affectionate to you.  I'm not talking about lust, I'm talking about physical attraction and physical comfort be it holding your hand, rubbing your shoulders, putting his arm around you, or cuddling with you on the couch without intentions of it leading to more.  If he only does this to you when he wants something more than all you are to him is a piece of meat.  He needs to provide security and warmth and comfort to you.  He needs to be selfless and kind not only to you but to others around you.  No one likes a mean person and it's important that others, such are friends and family, like him. 

12. Can say I'm sorry and fight fairly - If he never admits he's wrong and says I'm sorry then here is your red flag and please exit stage left as fast as possible.  If he is not able to fight fairly and communicate then things are not going to change down the road.  If he shuts down and tells you to go away then run as fast as you can.  You can't pull him out of his shell and he obviously lacks the ability to communicate and let down his ego and admit he is in the wrong.  Marriage takes a lot of giving and taking, to be honest it is a lot of giving on both sides.  If he can't give and is only taking then that is not a healthy balanced relationship. 

13. Responsible and committed - He needs to take responsibility for his mistakes and not blame others.  If he is always saying the world is out to get him then things will never change.  If he is always the victim feeling victimized then he will be the victim in your relationship.  When life throws punches and knocks you to the ground you have to be able to get back up.  If he is stuck on his bum having a hissy fit that life isn't fair then leave him right there and move on.  He also has to be able to commit to honesty, to his relationships with friends and family, to his job, and to his word. Being committed to you and honest is of the utmost importance.  Betrayal suffocates relationships as do hiding things be the past or current.  Being an open book allows for honesty to always be at the forefront.  He has to be responsible with his commitment and dedicated to you as well as others.

14.  Sense of humor - If there was ever a trait needed in a spouse a sense of humor is one of them.  If you can't laugh with them as your best friend then chances are you won't make it.  All the lovey dovey stuff wears off over time and does spark up but every day life is not always sparks flying 24/7....especially when he forgets to pay the electric bill and you find yourself in the pitch black dark!  You have to be with your best friend and able to laugh off the little things.  You don't need a class clown, but someone who knows when to smile and fill your heart up with joy.  He needs to notice and not take for granted the little things.  Being able to enjoy his company and he has to be able to let down his guard and not take himself so seriously. 

15. Believe in something beyond himself - It's important that he believe in something greater than himself be it God or the universe.  If he doesn't men tend to be arrogant and the world revolves around him.  Living for something more and having a moral compass of some sort is crucially important.  It goes back to having values and a good outlook on life.  He isn't just thinking of today or himself but of eternity and living a good life.  This will make him more able to make and keep a commitment if morally he believes marriage is a forever thing vs. someone who has no moral compass and is only thinking with emotions and what they want in this moment. 

16. Willing to adapt and grow together - He has to be willing to adapt and grow with you as you two won't be the same person several years down the road.  You need to be able to grow together because if you don't you will find yourselves growing apart.  If he is not able to adapt to new changes, new friends, new family, new lifestyle now then he will never be willing to adapt for your relationship.  As we all grow older we change and we would hope for the better but if you are both or just one of you not willing to let go of what was and grow into what will be then one or both of you will be stuck in the past.  Adapting and growing nurtures relationships and keeps them strong.  It is a tender balance but marriage is about merging and growing as one.  It's like a row boat if only one person is rowing then the row boat will keep going in an endless circle, if both learn to row together you move forward to your destination.

Playing Catch Up

We have been really busy lately and I haven't had time to sit down and blog.  So todays post will become a somewhat camera/memory catch up dumping.

Had our 2nd Wedding Anniversary dinner at no other than Texas Roadhouse.  Texas Roadhouse was the first place Brian and I went to on a date, the place we went the evening we got engaged, went there for our 1st anniversary, and now our 2nd (guess where we may go for our 3rd?!?!).  Many other days of celebrating have been spent at this restaurant chain so it was a perfect fit for dinner!


Plus my family joined us (well some of them)!






I went with my friend Lindsey, my mom, her friend Marie, and my two sisters Quinn and Mary Grace to see an Ugandan orphan children's choir.  It was a free event and these kids ages 6-13 are picked from the program to travel the U.S. for 6 months as well as go tour other countries singing, dancing, and bringing awareness.  All of the children have been orphaned by losing one or both of their parents to HIV, poverty, or war.  While they are considered orphans, they no longer are orphans as they live in family settings with one house mother and up to 8 children in individual homes and are not released from the orphanage but rather go on to college or trade school. 


It was a great show and was worth going to see!


We spent our weekend at the land.  Forgot my camera so phone pictures from the weekend will just have to do!


It was our first time seeing the completely finished hardwood floors.  They came out perfect but were a true labor of love.


The guys installed the kitchen cabinets.


Of course they took breaks and may have become delusional from all the work and may have been seeing chariots in the ceiling paint....


The cupboards all in place!


Appliances being put in


Appliances in place besides the microwave.


Brian and I spent some time canoeing....if you look closely you will see Tucker came for a ride.


Then Meeko and Tucker came for a ride and you can see Gunther swimming behind following us!


The pellet stove gave the guys a run for their money even on the dolly as it weighs an obnoxious amount of weight.  4 people had to try to lift it up to move it from the dolly on to the platform taking several breaks.   


Now they have to vent it and such but it is there!

2 Year Wedding Anniversary!

We stood before the altar and made a vow "to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part."


The church was full of those we love, family and friends, whom came to bear witness to these lifetime vows of commitment. 


We wore the crowns as we were crowned in marriage.


Beside us stood our siblings and best friends.


We shared our first dance to a song that still sends chills down my spine today whenever I hear it.


We danced the night away.


Cake was cut and served.


Of course not all of the cake was exactly eaten! 


We celebrated amongst those who wished us luck and have lent us unending support, oh how we treasure all of them as they each mean so much to us!


It was a beautiful day that intertwined and united our hearts and lives forever.

2 full years and I am still proud as ever to be Mr. and Mrs. Brian M.

Living on One Income

One question I received that I thought needed it's own post is how we live off on income.  I have been asked this several times by different people including close friends.  Both Brian and I graduated with bachelors degrees from college.  He graduated a term early and temporarily moved in with the parents (and siblings) so he could find a job in the area.  He had a job offer in Erie, PA after working an internship there but we decided we wanted to live close by to one of our two families.  After talking and weighing the pro's and con's we decided Ohio would be the best fit for us.  We were blessed that Brian secured a job (same one he has now --- almost 2 years with the company wahoo!) and soon after we bought our house and made Ohio our permanent dwelling place.  I finished my last term and we both walked for graduation and two weeks later we walked together down the aisle as we were married.  It was a crazy time of wedding planning, student teaching, job searching, house searching, and everything else wrapped up in one. 

We had many lengthy discussions of where we wanted to be financially and how we could get there even before we were married.  After Brian solidified his job and we knew what his salary would be, we decided that I would be a full time homemaker instead of searching out a teaching position.  It was and has been the perfect lifestyle choice for us as we plan for me to be a stay at home mother in the near future.  We had plans to have children right away but now almost 2 years later that has not happened, but I am certain that shortly our time will come.  We are firm believers that your lifestyle expands and shrinks to fit your income level.  We knew if we both were pulling in salaries then it would be difficult when we had a child to then live on one income.  We figured if we couldn't live on one income now, then we wouldn't be able to later.  We are both committed to continuing to make this lifestyle choice a viable option for us and honestly it is not as difficult as you may think.  We have a budget and we stick to it.  No we do not have to eat beans and rice for every meal either!  We are completely on our own with health insurance, home insurance, mortgage, bills, car insurance, students loans, etc.  To purchase our home we did receive some help from my parents originally which we are grateful for, but since we got married we have not had any help and paid back what was borrowed.  Even when times have gotten tough I pride myself on the thought that we have always found a way to skimp by and always make it work in difficult times.  Not that we are above asking for help, but I am proud to know we have been able to maintain our lifestyle on our own.  With our baseline budget we know what we can truly afford and what we cannot.  We cut back on the frills and aren't taking any cruises or trips to Panama any time soon, however I never feel like we are held back because of finances.

Firstly by being home we don't have to pay others to do things we would be too tired to do if we both worked.  We don't need a lawn service, or a maid to clean our home, or someone to run our errands, or a dog walker, or in the future we won't be needing childcare which together all those things honestly could eat up one whole income!  Those things can be ridiculously expensive and we won't be having a need for any as I am more than capable of doing everything above and more as a homemaker.  I also have time to clip coupons and do smart shopping.  By the way, beware of haircut coupons...ya for therapeutic reasons I won't recant that story.  We grocery shop for almost every meal as making our own food is much cheaper.  We buy in bulk toilet paper and paper towels when they are on sale and make our own laundry detergent for a fraction of the costs of store bought.  Brian takes leftovers from the night before or makes his own lunch to bring to work, which think about fastfood is probably about $6 for lunch so that times 5 days a week is a savings of $30 which per month is a savings of $120 and what you bring from home is much healthier!  That is not including going out for lunch each day which could cost more than $6 a meal.  Brian also takes his own home brewed coffee from our Keurig in for work or drinks the coffee at work which saves a lot of money as Starbucks and other coffee places costs add up quickly.  When grocery shopping we know for some items we can go generic and on others like instant mashed potatoes or peanut butter and jelly you just can't!  We cut out a home phone when we saw that it was an added $50-something a month in our bundle to be harassed my telemarketers every day and honestly we likely could cut out cable but it would only save us about $25 a month with our internet-cable bundle and for that price we might as well keep it for the random times we do watch it. 

Living off of one income from the very start we have mutually agreed we will stay away from credit cards like the plague.  Yes we do have one credit card that is barely ever used but maybe for gas or random purchases to keep it open and fluid but are paid off immediately before it collects interest.  We are trying to be a debt free family and at this point only have a mortgage and Brian's student loans to pay back.  Our cars are both paid for and while we are considering in the near future purchasing a mini-van or large suv once we have children since 2 dogs and 1 child is both of our cars max, right now we have no car payment and we are just fine with driving paid off cars. 

Being honest with ourselves and each other of what we can afford and sticking to our budget has made living off of one income much easier.  For us Brian is paid every other Friday (a very happy recent change for budget purposes for us since priorly it was the 15th and end of the month).  We know with our budget all of our household bills, mortgage and student loans, living expenses, groceries, etc. are paid for with one pay check.  The second paycheck of the month we put into what we call our "invisible money".  Our "invisible money" is our savings account that we only dip into for big purchases.  Of course it always seems once we save a large lump of money it somehow dissipates to pay for taxes or some other large expense, but such is life and that's what it's there for!  When you live on a budget and have to save for items you quickly learn how to prioritize your needs and wants.  If something is really worth it we will take the time and save for it like we did for our fence, shed, house remodels, and most recently a playground.  Before making a major purchase we always consider if it is a good investment.  Is it something we truly need and would benefit from.  We bought bikes for Brian's birthday knowing it would be a great source of exercise and free bonding time for us as couple, which it honestly has been and they will be used by us indefinitely since they are a nice brand and bikes last for some time.  The playground while we may not need it this week, we are likely taking in foster children soon (that soon is all relative) and we have friends and family with younger ones and it was too good of a bargain to pass up.  It may seem like a big purchase to us, however we know if we bought it brand new what we are paying for it lightly used is like pennies and it is a lifetime investment as the quality is top notch and will be well used for a very long time.  Our fence has been the greatest investment we have made to date as it gives us a lot of privacy and a safe place for our dogs to run around and in the future will keep our children stuck in! 

So that is how we do it on one income.  We pray we will continue to be blessed but also know if the need arises I have a degree and the ability to work in the work force if necessary.  It may not always be easy, but I know Brian and I can honestly say it is has been totally worth it for us!

Surprise Date #2....Glass Blowing!

For the 2nd surprise date with Brian we went glass blowing!  It is always something Brian and I both have mutually wanted to do so it was perfect.  We had such a great time and I'm sure we will go again in the future.  We knew it was going to be hot but I never expected it to be scorching!  There is no way not to be completely filled with sweat within the first few seconds.  Once you get past the sweat the rest of it is incredibly enjoyable.  While others seemed weary Brian and I both were rather sure of ourselves (though having no experience beyond watching people at the Renaissance faires!) and both were very comfortable.  We decided to team up on one glass blown piece instead of each of us doing one small non-blown piece.  Our helper admitted she didn't pull enough glass so it did end up being a small vase but we loved it the same!  We even asked to use one of the molds and she said normally they don't but in the end she said why not.  It was another groupon deal and so worth it!

















Finished piece!  It's actually orange and blue but you can't really tell from this picture.  After it's done and when we pick it up on Wednesday the colors will be even more obvious!

Lake Erie Monsters Game!

I decided to surprise my husband with more date nights.  It is so easy to get wrapped up in every day life that we can forget to take specific time to spend with just the two of us.  Last night was the first of the two surprise dates I have in store for him this month!  We also have another surprise planned for next Sunday.  Neither of us had been to a Lake Erie Monsters game before but we were surprised by the turnout.  I scored two great tickets on groupon for a fraction of the cost (love that site!). 



We intended on using a gift card at Outback before that we have except when we got there they were running over an hour wait for just two people.  We said forget it and we headed to the Q knowing there would be food there.  So we had dinner there of individual pizzas, soft pretzel, of course nacho's, and a cherry pepsi for me and a beer for him (likely equal to the price of Outback haha!)!

We came on their Hockey Fights Cancer night.  Everyone got pink rally towels and there was pink everywhere!




















Brian was completely surprised and we had awesome 14th row seats in the lower bowl!  We had fun cheering and dancing on a team we really had no allegiance to however if it's hockey Brian is all in!



All in all I have no regrets with our date night and we intend on heading to more games in the future...even though they lost in a shut out 2-0!