I love all the questions I received from all over. I just love especially hearing from old friends from grade school and high school as well as individuals that found my blog via internet searches. Several have now begun to read routinely after viewing posts such as homemade laundry detergent and most recently Dr. Seuss nursery. There were quiet a few questions regarding county foster care and I can tell there are a lot of myths that need to be debunked.
Q: How is your basement? Will you do a reveal?
- Well the basement honestly has come to a standstill. After being approved by the fire marshal we haven't done anything since. Brian has been traveling and busy with work so not much has happened. We are at the point of only needing to tape and mud and then we would be ready for paint. We are only working on the room we built up and the other side which is already finished (but really outdated) we won't start working on until the one room is finished. For now the finished side that is outdated which is the main area down there has become serious storage. Most of the things thrown in there will have a home in the new room once it is finished so waiting on being able to move everything in before we start ripping out the bar and cabinets and painting the walls in the main area. When it is finished surely I will do a reveal post! I find my reveal posts are my top viewed posts interestingly enough!
Q: Where do you live?
- I know this is a well meaning question however I purposely do not put that information out there. Knowing what is written on a blog stays forever in cyber world not always knowing who may be accessing it, specific information about us I do not post. Those who know us personally in the real world likely know or could ask. I keep our address, city, and our last name not out there. It is a safety thing not saying we've ever had a problem but I like to remain a bit private in a preventative way. What I can and have said is that we do live in a suburb in Ohio. That's all I care to share :)
Q: When are you adopting a child with foster care thing?
- This is a major misconception and I had two people ask this same similar question which must mean others are unaware of what foster care is. We are not actively planning on adopting. Foster care is not about adoption. Adoptions can stem from a fostering situation but are actually not the norm. We are going into foster care with the knowledge that it is temporary. Temporary as in they will only be with us for a short or on rare occasions a long period of time before being reunified with their parent(s) or a relative. The average time a child stays in care is 6 months. They may only be in our specific care for a few weeks before going to a relative for temporary care but the childs stay in the system on average is 6 months. When a child comes into care their parent(s) or custodial figure (be it a grandparent or aunt/uncle etc.) go before a judge and the judge decides right then if the charges are unfounded and if so the child will be promptly returned or if the charges are founded then they are given a case plan while the child stays in care. Generally they are given a case plan which will entail such things as find a job, quit drugs, go to therapy, go to parenting classes, meet with their social worker on a weekly basis, find housing, leave a boyfriend, etc. The case plans are very specific goals spelled out with a time period to see improvement. If no or little improvement is seen the judge may decide to relinquish (take away) parental rights. Often if at least some but not all improvement is shown they will be given an extension of 6 more months to work at their case plan. If they still do not work their plan, the case would become a plan for permanency with their rights relinquished and all relatives will be looked at firstly as means of adoptive parents for the child(ren). If after every attempt to locate any relatives or close family friends open or able to being a permanent parent for the child(ren) is not possible then the foster parent has priority if they are interested in formally adopting the child.
We were told for our county, 2/3rds of children are returned to their parents or guardian that originally had their custody temporary taken away. Of the 1/3rd group of children who are not returned, a large majority will be placed permanently with a relative. While relatives may not step up to foster the child, many step up if the child becomes legally available for adoption. A very small percentage of children will have their parents rights relinquished and no family members willing or able to provide permanency therefore the foster parents, if they wish, could proceed with adopting. Only after a foster family who does not wish to proceed with adopting their foster child (many individuals who foster are foster-only) will that child go into the database and be available to be adopted by others throughout the US. Rarely does a child get to this however it does happen, mostly to teens, large sibling groups, African American children, medically fragile children, and any other hard to place child(ren). We are not closed thought to the option of possibly adopting a child(ren) we may foster if they can not be returned to their original guardian or to a relative. If our intentions were on pure adoption this in no way would be the way we would go, too unpredictable and a lot of heartache.
Q: Will you blog about your foster childs?
- Indeed I will be however in a private manner. Due to the child being considered a ward of the state, we are not able to give out information about the child. What I will likely do is instead of using their names here I will come up with a nickname for them to be referred to. That way I keep it more private. We nor anyone else may put pictures of the child(ren) faces on a blog or facebook or anywhere that are taken. Yes that means you close friends, no posting pictures of our foster child(ren) anywhere! We are allowed to take all the pictures we want however for the privacy of the child their faces cannot be published online. What we have been told is ok to post are pictures where the childs face is not visible (such as a photo from behind or where their face is hidden) or we can blur or place a heart or smiley face photo over top of their faces. If you wish to meet our foster child(ren) you will just have to come visit us :) I will not be posting anything about the reason the child(ren) came into care, anything about their guardians, or any other personal information. We take an oath as foster parents that we will not share any personal information about the child(ren) we take in even with friends and family. It is the child's story and not ours to tell. Often even we will not know the whole background of why the child came into care or details ourselves but what we do know will be kept private. Just as you would not want someone airing your families dirty laundry, we will not be either. If one asks, please do not be insulted when we do not divulge background information, likely all we will say is that it is the child's story and not ours to share so please respect the privacy.
Q: Does it scare you to take a county child into your family?
- Are we scared? Nope not by the least bit. Are we uncertain? Oh definitely! While we have been filled with information on the what's, how's, and why's of this whole fostering adventure there is still some uncertainty of the unknown. It is human and healthy to be uncertain of the unknown but I am sure as we navigate this system we will become more and more comfortable knowing the in's and out's. Each child(ren) will be uniquely different. Different children respond differently to having their entire lives turned upside down. It is the fight and flight instinct and some fight while others choose to flight. While we are not scared, we know the child(ren) we take in no matter what their age will be scared and more uncertain than we are. We are going to care and love on them and that we are certain. Some children we may have in our home may have barriers built up and not very receptive to our care and that is ok, it is all part of grieving and different individuals grieve differently. We will just continue to show them unconditional love and make sure their needs are all met and hope in time we will make a break through. The greatest thing of all is that children are resilient. Many of these children come into the system broken and weary, however children are resilient and many will overcome their struggles with the proper care, nutrition, educational help, etc.
Q: How will you give those babies back? I could never do it.
- This is probably the #1 question we get asked the second foster care rolls off the tip of our tongues. I will not lie and say this whole thing will be all smiles, butterflies, and unicorns. I also will say we are nothing special ourselves, if we can do this so could you! We are very well aware that this is a system that is breaking families apart temporarily and in some cases permanently. We may be so happy when a parent completes their case plan and the time comes for a child in our care to return, but at the same time I am sure we will grieve. There will be heartache from the birth families, for us, and most importantly for the child(ren) in the middle of it all. With Brian and I having each other, we will be able to lean on one another throughout everything just as we do now. We are firm believers that God does not called the equipped, but equips the called. He will equip us as we go down this path. We know that for each day and hour we have with a child(ren) we will unconditionally love and meet their needs and that is a blessing from the Lord. He is giving us the great privilege of letting us have one of His children and we will not forget that. I am sure there will be days we will think that we won't be able to make it through, we will get stressed out and have some not so beautiful days I am sure, we could have a child(ren) that we have not been able to rear from a young age so will come with habits that may not be ideal, we could be navigating a school system we have no idea about if we have a school age child, we could deal with some terrible 2's and 3's that will leave us exhausted, we could have a child that refuses to take redirection and may have to get tricky with discipline, we could have a baby that may be inconsolable just wanting their mother and only their mother, there are just so many possibilities that will lead us to think we are just plain crazy for doing this. With the bad I am sure there will be many days of zoo trips, library story times, school performances, and evenings spent snuggled up on the couch sharing popcorn watching our beloved Disney movies! Will it be hard to give these kids back? Oh surely it will be crushing and we may take time inbetween placements to mourn or we may jump right back into the swing of things and take in another placement. We will know even if we only had them a short time we made a difference in that child's life and we will sleep at night knowing we gave them our all with no regret. It is our mindset that the need is there and we have the ability to meet the need for a temporary home. Just because it is temporary does not mean we will hold back, nope we plan to love like crazy as if this child was our own while we have been blessed with the time with them in our care. These children deserve to be loved unconditionally and we will do just that from the moment they walk or are carried into our home until the time they leave our home.
Q: What is your favorite tv show?
- I am an HGTV junkie. I need my fix weekly. I am not a big tv person to be honest and tend to only watch tv on weekends mostly when Brian is home. There isn't a show I exactly follow weekly. The only show I DVR weekly is The Middle which is downright hilarious but I watch them when I think about it so I tend to watch 2 or 3 episodes that are DVR'd at a time to catch up so I guess I do "follow it" just not up to date. I am also a major fan of Everybody Loves Raymond, when a late night episode is on, it's like finding a jewel! Patricia Heaton plays Ray's wife as well as the wife in The Middle, the two shows are similar in a way being comedies but still different producers.
Q: Have you gone camping yet?
- Ya about that. No we haven't officially gone camping yet this season. Only recently has the weather taken a turn for the better so we are hoping to go soon. We do stay in a camper trailer when we are at the land since the house is still being built so I guess you could say we have gone camping but I don't count that. We are hoping soon we will be able to. It is amazing though to see our weekends already filling up quickly through the rest of spring and summer. This upcoming summer for sure is going to be a busy one!
Q: After your basement do you have your next house renovation planned?
- This weekend we are do some work outside. I mulched all day on Friday while Brian was at work to surprise him. We bought the mulch Thursday night planning to do it over the weekend but I thought I would do it. I did indeed mulch the front beds and then even dug out around this metal tree sculpture bird house thing we have in our backyard and used our extra circle borders that match what we have up front and bordered and mulched around the metal tree. Now we don't have to worry about weed wacking all the time under it. I was excited for Brian to see it but after work we went to my parents for Quinn's prom pictures, then did dinner, and after Brian left with the guys to the movies. He didn't get home until after midnight and never even noticed what I spent all day doing. It wasn't until this morning that he ran into the house stating someone stole almost all of our mulch! I told him no Brian, your lovely wife mulched all day yesterday to surprise you however totally failed in the surprise department! Nonetheless it is done and is definitely an immediate satisfaction job as the change is always drastic. Today we are pressure washing the outside siding. Little did we know what a difference the pressure washing has made. Something we never pay attention to sure can be dirty! When the outside siding is all done we will also pressure wash our back patio. As for other projects our basement is still needs a lot of work so will likely consume us for some time. Our full bath we already have our paint hanging out around here and even the decorations (sshhh we are already using the hand soap pump, trash can, and accent holders). I have been tempted often to just start ripping down the wallpaper but I'm sure Brian would kill me! We have plans for painting, possibly tiling, and new décor. It will be a dramatic change for sure. Once the basement and bathroom is done all we have left is our kitchen which again we have plans but have no plans of tackling it any time soon, though we did buy a light for over the table already :)
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